Back in February 2011, a man decided to play Grand Theft Auto in real life when he stole a cab and drove it right into a traffic light in Union Square. Michael Findley appeared in court yesterday, and while representing himself, offered a list of reasons for the jury should give him a break. The best one, you ask? It's because he was drunk, and as The Hangover (or life) has taught us, we tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up.

Findley, who was 31 at the time of the incident, was picked up by Mohammed Latif on Bowery. He asked to be driven to the West Village. An argument erupted after Findley's fried rice spilled, and things got ugly when he reportedly didn't have any money. Latif ordered Findley out of his cab, but Findley instead ran over to the driver's side, punched Latif in the face and jumped into the driver's seat.

Latif jumped out a few blocks later, and Findley eventually smacked into a traffic light. He was arrested and charged with robbery, reckless, endangerment, driving while impaired by alcohol, grand larceny, speeding, driving the wrong way on a one-way and disobeying a red light. Findley, who's been arrested 15 other times since moving to New York in 2007, also said he was on coke at the time of the accident.

He also claims that Latif groped him, allegedly touching his "thighs, on my butt, between my legs." Nobody believed that, but everyone will believe his actions were fueled by coke and alcohol.

[via Gothamist]