25 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions We'd Like to See in 2013

Don't be back alley fame whores.

Celebrity: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison have all the makings of tabloid fodder: Courtney was 16 when she married the 51-year-old washed-up actor Doug in 2011, and the union was supported by her fame-hungry mother, who immediately became Courtney's official manager when the interviews and tabloid covers started rolling in.

Like so many fame whores before them, they originally aspired to kick-start legitimate careers in the industry—Courtney wanted to be a singer and an actress, while Doug likely wanted to revive his acting career that hasn't been much to speak of since the early '90s, when he played a creepy monster dude named Tooms, who could contort his body into any sliver of space he wanted on The X-Files.

Thankfully, their aspirations were unsuccessful, so they moved on to the lesser art-form: Reality television. Since the couple couldn't get their own show, because no one wants to watch a 50-something guy hang out with his teenage bride, the two joined the cast of VH1's Couple's Therapy earlier this year to "work on their issues." Their issues being that Doug didn't like the fact Courtney wore little-to-no clothes, and Courtney thought changing her style would be changing herself.

In a fashion not seen since the reign of Speidi, they managed to milk their appearance on the show for all it was worth; Courtney ranted about how she's the modern-day Erin Brockovich standing up for what she believes in, and Doug accused every male in the house of looking at his wife inappropriately. Paired up with Courtney's blatant attempt to get Playboy to allow her to pose nude for their magazine after she turned 18 this summer, the two certainly had an eventful year in the tabloids.

The attention may seem nice to them now, but for 2013 the couple should take a good, hard look at what became of the couple that preceded: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, who in their time were Hollywood's bleached-blonde equivalents to German cockroaches. SPOILER ALERT: The Pratts are now broke, and living with Spencer's parents. Since Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison don't even have that option to fall back on once their fame inevitably disappears—Hutchison's family disowned him after he married Courtney—the two should dial it back a little in the coming year. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, all that shit? We can't promise we'll ever grow fond of this creepy couple, but it doesn't hurt to try. —Tanya Ghahremani

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