Get out of our face with your "faux-be" beef sliders. You claim they're crafted from cattle massaged with beer, but in actuality, they're made with low-grade hamburger meat from neglected cows. Your beef is about as Japanese as Twinkies, and we refuse to pay $18 for three tiny, two-bite-burgers, even if they are topped with a quail egg and seared foie gras. While you at it, fuck off with your fancy homemade ketchup, too.
1. Kobe Beef Sliders