Harry Potter fans will get a kick out of this shit. A paperboy in Utah was simply doing his job when he got completely owned by a goat named Voldemort. During his early morning route, 14-year-old Jaxon Gessel noticed something emerge from the shadows. He thought it was a dog. He was wrong.
The goat headbutted Gessel, knocking him from his bike. When he tried to flee, the goat stood up on its hind legs and tackled him. Gessel was forced to seek refuge in a tree, while Voldemort attacked any and everyone that walked past. When the goat began chasing two young girls, Gessel jumped from the tree and chased it two blocks.
Gessel's parents expected him home about 90 minutes prior, so they called the police. One officer was searching for him, when he got a report about "a boy and a goat." That led him to Gessel and Voldemort. Gessel is currently being harassed at school for getting sonned by a goat. Imagine that—Voldermort actually winning in real life.
They should rename the goat "Lord Voldemort," just because.