Alabama has one of the most successful secession petitions, and the man who started it goes by the name of Derrick Belcher. Belcher, 45, is a trucking company manager in Chunchula, and the Alabama petition has already reached the 25,000 signatures necessary to illicit a response from the government. So why is Belcher leading Alabama's charge to break from the United States? He just wants his topless car wash back.

"I'm working poor. And I work -– I've never taken a dime from the government. I'll starve before I take a handout. That's what being a true American is all about." Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001. "The government ripped my business away, and now they're choking America to death with rules and regulations," he said.

How dare the government deny this man his right to start a business that combines clean cars and half-naked women? We thought this was America. The nerve.

RELATED: The Most Ratchet Stories of MarchAprilMayJuneJulyAugust, and September.

[via Gawker]