You'll annoy everyone your first year, and really there's nothing to be done about it. Some upperclassman will be nicer about it than others, but the general consensus is that you're a microcosm of all the douchebaggery clogging college life.

For starters, you leech off everyone's party goods, counting on upperclassmen to get you "schwasted" night-in and night-out, and then expect them to coddle you when you drink too much, which inevitably you will do.

Then there's your youthful ignorance: you don't actually know anything. Your worldview was shaped by parents who, for all we know, think microwave ovens are secret mind-control devices invented by the Chinese to suppress the masses.

Boys: You possess little game. Many of you will count on youthful good looks and striped polo shirts from the mall to carry you into the dorm room of some poor girl.

Girls: Are you that poor girl? Does your idealized version of a man fit the description above? Still looking forward to freshman year?