You know that guy who was semi-athletic in high school, drank his way through a state college, and came back home with man boobs and HPV? Well, that guy hasn't lost his eye of the tiger, and his pathetic sense of self-worth is on display at the local park.

They're pretty easy to spot. On the softball diamond, it's that fully grown man wearing eye black like he's Ken Griffey Jr. in '93. On the basketball court, he's fluent in And1 smack-talk and has a proclivity to throw elbows. If there's a guy in brand new cleats, wristbands, and playing press coverage on the flag football field, do everyone a favor and chop-block that clown.