10 Ridiculous Haunted House Reviews on Yelp

Some people are just tough to scare.

Oct 31, 2012
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Complex Original

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

It's a given that some haunted houses won't be scary, especially considering how many exist just for kids. For most of the reviewers on Yelp, a haunted house is either shit-your-pants terrifying, or so camp it would make toddlers snicker.

Then there are a select few who are so outraged at their wasted money, that they'll do things like compare a 20-minute wait in line to certain historical atrocities. And that's just the start. These ridiculous haunted house reviews on Yelp are so bizarre, you'll wonder if any of these people understood that they were writing for the public when they penned the reviews.

RELATED: Green Label - 10 Scariest Haunted Houses in America

Bad Touch Example

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Using Halloween voodoo, someone should shrink this guy down so that attorneys can utilize him during sexual abuse cases. Maybe then he'd learn.

[via Yelp]

Hyperbole

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When you start comparing simple security checks to a concentration camp, it's time to pump the breaks. Because you're an asshole.


[via Yelp]

A "Gentle" Ass Kicking

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The physical abuse was fine, but the hour-long wait was way over the top.

[via Yelp]

Existential Question

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Did you pay? Who was paid? Is it really possible to pay for anything? Who's doing this? Who's killing us?

[via Yelp]

Sounds Sleazy

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You sure that you went to a haunted house?

[via Yelp]

Speaking From Experience

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Or maybe just try half a sheet.


[via Yelp]

Thanks for Sharing!

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Chill with the comic-book backstory. You're not a hero.


[via Yelp]

Vivid Imagery

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Answering that age-old question: What does it feel like to be pushed through a human colon?

[via Yelp]

We Get the Picture

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Freud would've had a field day with this guy. So much sucking, so much rough handling—dude's got some deep-seated issues.

[via Yelp]


Not STD Scary

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You can actually see her get crazier and crazier with each sentence. And then you get to the part about rebirth.


[via Yelp]

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