Getting Around Town With Jamie Shupak: How To Be Friends With Your Girl's Girlfriends

An essential act for the longevity of your relationship.

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Complex Original

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As if your girlfriend doesn’t take up enough of your time—and money—you also need to make time —and money—for her friends? Yep. In order to keep your relationship strong with your numero uno, you must get along with her numero uno. And beyond. Yes, not just the BFF, I’m talking about the rest of her inner circle, too. Her friends wield powerful influence over her, sometimes even stronger than yours, and it’s their mission to protect her. You’ve got your work cut out for you.

When you win over her friends, they’ll make sure that your relationship with their girl succeeds.

The good news: Anyone can be won over. And when you win over her friends, they’ll make sure that your relationship with their girl succeeds. You might even make some new friends out of the deal!

KEEP A LOW PROFILE

When meeting her friends, don’t immediately try to impress them. Relax; be yourself. If you’re desperate, they will suss it out, then chew you out for it. (Later, of course; never to your face.) Instead, allow them to bask in the limelight while you observe. Study their personalities before you begin speaking. Girls remember everything; say something dumb, and you’re a goner.

DO NOT FLIRT

Your girl will almost always have a hot friend, the one you’d want to hit on if you were single. But, you know, don’t. Don’t even show interest in that way. Be cool, be charming, but do not cross that line. Don’t even come close enough to the line where you can make it out with a telescope. No matter how subtle or cool you think you’re being, she will notice if you check her out. Then, when she tells your girl that you’re creepy—because she will—you’re a goner.

BE AGREEABLE, BUT HAVE SOME BACKBONE

You’ll be better off agreeing with their opinions, but if you do this all the time, you’ll be seen as spineless. You’ll be branded “not good enough for her.” The trick is to be agreeable on general opinions and matters that have no consequence in the future. If one of her friends thinks another friend’s wedding invitation is ridiculous, then OMG, she’s right, it totally is! If you must disagree on something such as politics or religion, do so, but be polite. Or better yet, just shut up. Unless they ask for your opinion.

DON'T GET BETWEEN THEM

If your girl tells you they want to hang out with her, encourage her to do so. A girl without good girlfriends is not a girl worth having. You never want to be seen as a threat, someone who will take her away from them.

MAKE TIME

Let’s say you’re in the middle of watching your favorite football team play against their division rivals. Your girlfriend’s friend texts you: She needs help mounting her new TV, fixing her frozen laptop, or deciding what to do about a guy that won’t call her back.

You’re thinking: What? Now?

Your answer: I’ll be right there.

Dating a girl means you have inherited her friends as pseudo-girlfriends, ones that, much like your own actual girlfriend, soak up time and money. Which brings us to…

SPEND IT

When you’re at a bar with your girl and her friends, you should pay. If you’re somewhere fancy and it’s going to break the bank, just buy the first round. Take care of her friends, and they will think—rightfully so—that you’re taking care of her.

OPINIONS

When it’s time to get your woman a gift, ask for their help and approval. Depending on your relationship with them, bring them shopping with you. The more time, attention, and money they witness you spending on their girl, the more they’ll realize that she’s in good hands.

LISTENING

Always show interest—feign it if you have to—in all your girlfriend’s friends’ issues: work, family, other friends, guys—everything. It doesn’t matter how insignificant you think it is; smile, nod, and interject. When you feel your eyes get droopy, just think of how she’d look naked. That always works. Just don’t say it out loud.

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