The 10 Easiest Characters To Beat In Video Games

Video games are meant to make you feel like a badass. Kratos from God of War topples gods,  Akuma from Street Fighter is practically the devil, and the Hulk, well, we all know what the Hulk can do. But then, there are certain video game characters who even YOU think you could beat up if they tried to mug you in a dark alley. These video game characters are beyond pathetic. You just want to grab them by the neck and stuff their heads in the toilet, demanding they give you their lunch money. These characters make you question why they were even put in their respective games, other than as a joke. And while this might not be a pretty list, it’s definitely accurate. Read on to see who’s going to get a swirlie. 

Game: Dark Castle

You know you’re a weakling when even walking down a step can cause you to fall down and get dizzy. Prince Duncan can barely MOVE without getting injured, and even short jumps down a stoop can send him twirling about in a stupor. He might even be diabetic or anemic. If he is, then we suggest he sees a doctor before entering anymore Dark Castles. Diabetes and Anemia are no joke, mayne.

Game: Simon's Quest

Dracula from Simon’s Quest makes this list because he’s just so damn vulnerable to certain attacks. Sure, if you’re foolish enough to let him regain his true form on the alter, you might have a little bit of trouble with him. But if you have sacred flames and you toss them at his feet, he can’t even move. What a wuss! And even if you DO have to resort to fighting him, the flame whip takes him to pieces in seconds. Dracula, you’re weak as hell. 

Game: Spiderman 2

Okay, we actually LOVE “Fish Bowl Head” as a character, but in Spiderman 2, he’s weak as shit. And you know how we know that? Because in the game, it only takes one hit to defeat him. One hit. The best part is, the game ramps up his life bar as if it’s going to be an epic battle, and then, you just run up to him and punch him in the glass bowl, and boom, he’s on the floor. Good thing, too, because Spiderman really needs to get those photos to JJ.

Game: Earthworm Jim 2

Bob…is a goldfish. Still, video games have led us to believe that anything, no matter the size, can be a dangerous enemy. Just look at Servbot in Marvel vs. Capcom 2. But Bob the Goldfish definitely isn’t Servbot. He doesn’t even leave his bowl. Well, not until Earthworm Jim reaches in and eats him. That’s one way to beat your end boss. Swallow him. We’ll try that next time when we fight Bowser and let you know how that goes.

Game: Earthbound

Negative Man can’t stop crying when you attack him. In fact, upon even reaching him, he’s already on his knees, mumbling about how there’s no way he can beat you. All the while, you pummel upon him with every attack you’ve got until he’s gone. Now, don’t you feel like a big man? You just beat a “worthless protoplasm” that never even fought you back. What a bully you are!

Game: Chrono Trigger

At first, Golem Boss appears pretty formidable, what with his countdown to his main attack and all. But then, when he’s ready to tear you apart, he can’t. Why? He’s afraid of heights and you’re fighting him on an airship. That’s just brilliant.

Game: Lester the Unlikely

Lester the Unlikely is the only character we can think of in history who has ever actually run away from his enemies before attacking them. And we’re not talking about dragons or wild bears here. We’re talking about turtles, crabs and seagulls. Yes, Lester is really that much of a punk. 

Game: Pokemon

Sure, the results of owning a Magikarp are well worth the wait (Gyaradoooos!), but until you get to level 20, that Magikarp can only do one move and one move alone. Splash attack! Yeah, Magikarp blows. 

Game: Punch-Out!!

If you’ll notice, there’s no training mode in Punch-Out!! for the NES. That’s because Glass Joe is pretty much the equivalent of a human punching bag. There’s no weaker character in video game history than Glass Joe, and he really has no redeeming qualities besides going down like a sack of flour. We’ve been playing Punch-Out!! since we were about five, and even back then we beat him with our eyes closed. That’s a pretty big testament to just how weak this palooka is. Glass Joe; knocking his ass out without even trying since 1987.