Have you stayed tight with your old friends?
Blake: You gotta have your back-home homies. That’s basic. What’s cool is Kyle and us came up together. If you ask me, who’re my best homies in Los Angeles—not counting my back-home buddies—it’s these dudes.
Anders: And Gwyneth Paltrow. [Everyone laughs.] We have each other, and that’s enough for me. I know that’s real. Sometimes you meet somebody and you catch yourself blowing them and they’re blowing you back, and you’re like, are we homies or are we just blowing each other because that’ll make us celebrity friends? That’s fun, by the way, to do that. Then the next day you’re like, who was I last night?
Adam: My best friend from middle school lives in this house right now. He’s the caretaker. As soon as we got the show I told him, “You gotta move out, dude!” He said, “I can’t, man. I’ve got a girlfriend.” So I say, “It’s about to get real serious out here, dude. Unless you’re planning on wedding that chick, marrying her down, it’s time for you to come out.” Three months later, he asked me, “Do you know anyone who’s looking for a roommate?” [Laughs.] Then he moved. It was radical.
We had 'The Night of Many Kills,' where I killed like five [rats] with my hands. One night, I got stoned and real weird and sat in the kitchen with a trash bag, a broom, and a bottle of Windex. I waited for them with the lights super dim. It was violent, but after that night they didn’t come in the kitchen for a minute. —Adam
Anders, you were the only Workaholic who didn’t live in this house. Did you ever feel like you were missing out on something amazing?
Anders: No. These guys had a fucking good time but I got a girl, man. I have something better. [Blake and Adam laugh.] They had rats living at their house. I had mice in college, ’cause it was Wisconsin and it was cold and they needed refuge, but rats? I’m not a clean dude, but I’m not a rat dude.
Adam and Anders: Kyle is a rat dude! [Both laugh.]
Blake: You get used to the rats. It was more difficult when you had a girl over and you had to explain the scratching in the walls.
Adam: We caught like 18 in a day one time. That was with traps, though. We had “The Night of Many Kills,” where I killed like five with my hands. One night, I got stoned and real weird and sat in the kitchen with a trash bag, a broom, and a bottle of Windex. I waited for them with the lights super dim. As they ran across the counter I sprayed their eyes with Windex. It was violent, but after that night they calmed down and didn’t come in the kitchen for a minute. They knew what was up. One got away and told the crew.
Adam and Blake, you guys still live together. Any particular reason?
Adam: Once you move out and you’re by yourself you’re like a real adult doing real adult shit. Originally we were like, “Everything is going good but this could all stop, so let’s do it big and live in a Hollywood Hills pad and be bachelors for a year.” Now that year has become two years and we’ve unfortunately both got girlfriends—also fortunately. [Laughs.]
As much drinking and smoking as your characters do, do fans expect you to get completely obliterated with them every time you go out?
Blake: And for the most part, we do.
Adam: I shot a movie in Baton Rouge, during LSU’s football season, and it was fucking mayhem. Every time I went to the bar, I had a system where I’d take three shots right away. That way I could say, “Yo, dude, I just took a bunch of shots! I cannot take any more for a while.” Before that, when I went out, I was taking 18 shots and drinking five beers and ending up like, “Who am I?”
Anders: Shots are the worst. You can buy me beer and Jack and Cokes all night, but those shots, man... You walk away. I stay here and another one of you shows up to do it again.
Blake: For the most part people are cool if you say, “Yo, man, I’ve taken a lot of shots. I appreciate the gesture. Let’s take a picture but I can’t do another shot for an hour.”
Anders: They’re usually not cool to me. They’re like, “WHAT?”
Blake: That’s just like you!
Adam: Pulling a Ders!
Anders: People always say, “If Blake was here, he’d fucking do it!” Well, no he wouldn’t. Read this fucking interview. The worst is the free alcohol. Waaaah!
Do people expect you to do crazy shit?
So that had nothing to do with you jumping off your roof and breaking your back?
Blake: I wanted to do that. It just didn’t go the way I planned. We’ve always done crazy shit. That’s the reason our show is crazy, too.
What exactly was your plan?
Adam: [Laughs.] It looked like you were planning to break your back.
Blake: Nah. I knew I could get hurt or whatever but…
In the TMZ video of the jump you clearly look like you’re in a great deal of pain. Did you know right away that you’d broken your back?
Blake: No. I was pretty drunk. There were a lot of people watching, too. I wasn’t trying to stop the party, so I went upstairs and deejayed a song. Then I noticed I couldn’t straighten up, but I didn’t think I broke my shit.
Adam: I didn’t help, either. I kept saying, “You’re fine, dude. It’s not broken. Believe me. It’s a sprain. Just a deep bruise, obviously.” I’m a back expert because I sprained my back and wore a brace for six weeks once.
Blake: I didn’t know it was broke until I got X-rays nine days later.
You should be able to punch photographers. I’d have a hell of a lot more respect for you if you said something ballsy to a celebrity and they could punch you for it. —Blake
Were you in crazy pain all that time?
Blake: It was pretty fucked up. It definitely hurts to break your back, for sure. Still hurts.
Was there any upside to the incident for you? Painkillers? Sympathy dome?
Anders: I gave him a sympathy blowjob. It was out of sympathy, so it’s fine. I spit.
Blake: I got to see my mom and friends from back home. They visited me in the hospital. But I missed Christmas, so that fucking sucked.
Was that incident the first time one of the Workaholics was on TMZ?
Blake: Fuck TMZ. They took the recording of my dad calling the hospital and called him a liar. Fuck that. They can suck my dick.
Anders: I like their argument: If not for us, you aren’t famous. Uh, nah. I create a TV show. I’m on that. People watch it.
Blake: All I am saying is, you should be able to punch photographers. I’d have a hell of a lot more respect for you if you said something ballsy to a celebrity and Michael Clunkin Darke [their nickname for Michael Clarke Duncan] could punch you for it. That would be sick!
Adam: Except when celebrities start getting their asses handed to them by some fucking mixed martial artist photographers. I’m Chuck Liddell and I work for TMZ!
Before he died, Patrice O’Neal had beef with you guys because he didn’t like how Anders interviewed him on the red carpet at Charlie Sheen’s roast. He went on The Opie & Anthony Show and slammed your style of comedy, what he perceived to be your lack of respect for him, and a false confidence given to you by suits at Comedy Central. It underlined some generational bitterness that younger comedians can become successful using the Internet without paying traditional dues. Did that bother you?
Adam: Most comics love our show and are excited we got our shot this way. They’re thinking, “If these dudes who came out of nowhere-ville can get a shot… If Adam, the kid who worked the door at the Improv, can get his own show, I can get a shot too. Maybe I should make more Internet videos.”
Blake: A lot of people thought Comedy Central handed us a show, but we were fucking grinding. We were broke, grinding for a long time. The fact that the show’s been successful is fucking radical. If you don’t know that side of the story, then maybe we seem like company men. But we’re very involved in our show and we work our asses off. Besides, we’re all comedy junkies. That’s what we breathe. Since I was a kid, it’s always been about comedy.
Adam: Exactly. We’re nerds on that shit.
Anders: I didn’t realize how big a deal that was. I listened to the Opie & Anthony thing and it was 10 minutes of them saying, “Fuck the red carpet and these dudes from Workaholics. I don’t know these guys!” Then take my name out of your mouth, dude. If you don’t know me, don’t talk about me. Thank God this industry isn’t a corporate ladder where you put in five years and get the next spot. Then you put in three more years and get the next spot. Then you put in 10 years and you’re a VP. In this business, you either land on gold and move ahead 20 spaces or you don’t. To people who hate on our success: Sorry, we’re just doing our thing.
Written by Justin Monroe (@40yardsplash)