Director: Len Wiseman
Stars: Colin Farrell, Jessica Biel, Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston, John Cho, Bill Nighy, Bokeem Woodbine, Ethan Hawke
Release date: August 3
Last week, all was once again right with the world. Why? Because reports from the Las Vegas event CinemaCon 2012 confirmed that director Len Wiseman’s remake of Total Recall does in fact update the original’s “three-breasted hooker” scene, thus calming down horny nerds who were ready to riot in the streets over the thought of not seeing Colin Farrell drop a one-liner to an alien with a triple set of boobies.
See, it’s the little things that matter in life. Still, though, the jury remains out on whether the latest take on sci-fi author Philip K. Dick’s 1966 short story “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” can reach the same levels of gleeful violence, bugged-out E.T.’s, and futuristic bravado achieved by Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 version, which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger in one of his all-time great roles.
Can Colin Farrell retain even half of Arnie’s vintage cool? Until we’re sold on the answer to that million-dollar question being “Yes,” we’ll have to settle for the double whammy casting of beauties Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel, both of whom have only two sweater puppets a piece—just in case you were wondering.