Boxford, Massachusetts, is screwed, if this tale is any indication. Last weekend, a group of six rogue cows appeared out of nowhere in the backyard of Boxford-resident Andrea Poritzky, a woman who owns zero cows. Noticing the animals descending on her bbq, a shook Poritzky called the police. Arriving on the scene, Lt. James Riter reported that the cows "went right for the beer. And then when one was done, they'd knock another one over and take care of that beer."
Note, this was last weekend. If you're living near cows this Memorial Day weekend, keep the burner at hand. Watch for the black-and-whites. They want what you hold most dear.