Depending on their creep level, Agent Lara Croft is the prototype for some gaming men. The femme fatale from the famed Tomb Raider series became a household name by way of the video games, comic books, and of course the film franchise starring Angelina Jolie. Tomb Raider took a break from the video game world, returning this year with what’s considered to be a reboot of the series. While we anxiously await the next phase of Lara Croft’s career, we decided to sit down with her and ask her a few questions about her influence on Hip Hop and what she thought of Angelina Jolie. Okay, we didn’t really talk to Lara Croft, but if we did, this is how it would go…
Two years ago, you went and did your solo thing with Lara Croft and the Guardian Of Light. How did the Tomb Raider franchise take to your solo career?
About as well as Kelly and Michelle did when Beyoncé decided Destiny’s Child should break up. They’re fine with it now though. I’m back.
Your body appears unrealistic to some. Do you think having proportions like yours might give young girls body issues?
Who says they’re unrealistic? Two words: Nicki Minaj. We have the same doctor.
That move you do in Tomb Raider, the swan dive, looks strangely similar to Soulja Boy’s “Superman Dat Ho” move from years back. Do you think he copied you?
I’m sorry, but who is that?
He’s a rapper…
Who had a dance move that he would use in the bedroom called “Superman Dat Ho…”
Did he star in that dreadful porn remake, Womb Raider?
Well, I’ll have Winston contact his people. There’s a lawsuit somewhere in there.
What about Rick Ross? His grunts sound a lot like the noises you make while you’re, um, “tomb raiding.”
Well I for one won’t be fighting him about that, unless you’d like to?
What is your biggest regret so far?
That I didn’t accept the position as the voice of the "Maybach Music" woman. You can tell Rick Ross I said that. I guess we’re even.
What were your thoughts on Tupac as a hologram? Was it respectful or disgraceful?
*phone muffles for a moment* Pac said he’s fine with it, though he’d never wear denim that light.
What? Where are you right now?
Did you feel Angelina Jolie did you justice portraying you in the films?
In a way, but her English accent sounded too much like Madonna, less like the Queen.
What are your thoughts on her reprising the role in the future?
She can’t possibly carry two guns and six children. It’s literally impossible.
So is Jay-Z in the Illuminati?
What about Mike Jones?
Thank you for your time Lara.