Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
As a seasoned New York City people-watcher, it’s amazing how many interesting couples I observe along my strolls and daily commutes. If I had to choose a favorite—aside from the doped out lovers, they’re a trip—it would have to be the juxtaposition of a super hot girl with a totally whatever-looking dude. Most people assume that the dude just has tons of money, and that might be true, but a lot of times cash has absolutely nothing to do with it. We’re not all shallow gold-digging whores, some of us are actually attracted to a sense of humor, intellect, kindness, and the laid-back vibe that average guys tend to possess. Fuck Abercrombie models and men like Idris Elba, as long as you’ve got your game on lock, your chances of landing a dime are just about as good as theirs...almost.
IT'S NOT HOW YOU LOOK, IT'S HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF
First of all, good looks are subjective. Everyone’s turned on by different shit. Some hot ass girls I know are into everything from short, to bald, to fat dudes, so don’t count yourself out just because you don’t have washboard abs or a chiseled jawline. When I’m posted up at a bar or club, I never focus on that one guy who looks sculpted by God. I usually check out the table of homies laughing and having a really good time or the crispy dude wearing the buttery new Wallabees. Where I come from, a poorly thrown-together outfit is a way bigger offense than not being a perfect 10, so put on your finest in casual attire, spritz on a bit of good cologne, and rock a confident I’m The Shit smile. Women are drawn to guys that carry themselves proudly, not the moody, depressed heads that slump in the corner with their hood pulled up. That said, you don’t wanna become overly-confident like a douchey hot guy would either. If your attempt at impressing women means flashing cuff links and talking about your bullshit job in "entertainment," quit while you’re ahead and reassess your life. All you’ve gotta do is approach casually, let homegirl know you’re interested, then lay on the charm and let your intellect do the rest. Which brings me to my next point...
HUMOR AND WIT IS EVERYTHING
If you’re funny enough, you can probably fuck any chick you want. Chris Farley, Dave Chappelle, Larry David, Kat Williams, they could all pretty much get it without question. There’s just something about a man that can females laugh. All that dopamine our bodies release makes us crave it like a drug. Nothing gets a chick more open or at ease than humor. Not only does it break the ice, but it helps avoid awkward conversation and proves you don’t take yourself too seriously, crucial elements in the process of seduction. You can’t just be on some Dumb & Dumber type humor though. You’ve gotta be able to support it with wittiness and knowledge so we know you’ve got substance, too. That’s the issue with most standard "hot guys" —either their jokes are retarded or they’ve got no smarts to back them up, Zoolander style.
HOT GUYS OFTEN HAVE SHITTY PERSONALITIES
Don’t get me wrong here, I know a bunch of gorgeous guys with awesome personalities. They’re rather rare and difficult to come by, but they’re definitely out there. If I have to generalize though, the majority are super annoying. It’s as if after so many years of receiving vain compliments and obsessing over themselves, they’re conditioned to give anybody who admires them an air of arrogance. Like most beautiful people, they seem to only care about themselves or others they deem equally as good-looking. And when they come onto you, it’s way too fucking strong. I’ve had pretty guys hit on me, then get super pissed if I try shooing them away. Their egos are just too resistant. But perhaps even more importantly, women don’t like to feel as though they’re competing with their significant other. No girl wants to be in a relationship with a dude who spends more time than her staring at the mirror or getting ready. That’s our job. I know so many beautiful women who admit to going after guys that are "less attractive" or on the chubby side just because they feel those men will love and appreciate them more. At the end of the day, it’s a female insecurity thing , but you can’t blame us with all the male/media pressure to look hotter than we naturally are. Simply put, the "average" man provides a warmer, more comforting environment than most self-obsessed studs could.
AVERAGE DUDES ARE MORE AVAILABLE
Another major issue with typical male hotties is that even if we can have them, they’re not about to wife us up. These are dudes that get pussy thrown at them constantly, so giving all that up for one sexy chick probably won’t happen. Maybe for a few weeks or even a couple months, but eventually, the other pussy will beckon. An "average" dude on the other hand? When they get a dime on their dick they savor that shit until the very last drop. They’re generally not as greedy as their better-looking counterparts. It’s like a spoiled kid that gets mad toys and breaks them all versus the kid that can only afford a few, so he treats them like royalty. Some broads are so sick of the games with pretty boys that they’d rather settle with a safe bet.
With all that said, it all depends on individual personality. I know some average-looking guys that are complete assholes and angel-faced dudes with hearts of gold, so it’s different for everyone. But in my experience, if I’ve had to choose between a sexy snob or a more rugged dude that makes me chuckle, I’ll go with the latter 95% of the time. Like having a really hot girlfriend, it’s just too much work and effort to keep the super fine ones.