Soy Chorizo

Price: $1.99

Even if you don't typically fuck with meat subsitutes—actually, especially if you don't typically fuck with them—you need to try this soy chorizo. Thanks to the hearty seasoning and great texture, it's damn-near impossible to tell that this isn't meat. Fry it up with some eggs and potatoes for a filling breakfast that won't put a hole in your guts.