The 10 Worst Movies To Watch On A Date

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Valentine's Day, the world's most divisive holiday, has officially arrived. In the next 24 hours, you're likely to witness more explosive PDA and ill-advised romantic gestures, and overhear far more hateful comments uttered by strangers than any other time of year. (Make sure you roll to and from work sans headphones today. Seriously. It makes for awesome entertainment.)

Speaking of which, in the event you're among those with a special someone to celebrate tonight, you might want to develop an action plan if you haven't already. If you're a duo that enjoys keeping a low profile, that's cool; there are a plethora of great flicks to choose from that won't stink up your quarters with a ton of cheese.

On the flip side, however, there are also quite a few flicks out there that we've come to realize should never be viewed with the opposite sex—or at least a member you're trying to wife up, on Valentine's Day or ever. From pictures inspiring crippling awkwardness to those guaranteed to send your girl running (into someone else's arms), find the best of the worst here on our rundown of The 10 Worst Movies to Watch on a Date. 

Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)

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10. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009)

There's nothing like curling up in front of crack-addled Nicolas Cage to deliver the Saturday night romance—or convince your girl that you should never again be left in charge of movie decisions. In addition to the star's signature overacting, one of the film's romantic highlights involves the namesake lieutenant serving his own version of crooked justice by forcing a drug dealer to stand there and watch him rail his girlfriend in a parking lot, loaded gun waving all the while.

Probably not the best choice for her first visit to your place.

9. Shame (2011)

Unless your crew consists of a few cinema buffs, Steve McQueen's Shame can be a tough sell:

"Well, uh, it's about this sex addict. And then Carey Mulligan, she's his little sister, she moves into his apartment. And there's a nude scene. Yeah, but don't worry, it's not like they hook up or anything."

Truthfully, Shame is a terrifically acted, expertly shot movie, but one you'll want to keep towards the bottom of your list of flicks to help set the mood. While a movie about sex addiction might seem like a perfect pick to help plant some kinky ideas in your date's head for the return home, it's more likely the only images you'll be able to retain will be Brandon Sullivan's gritty moments of desperation that send him into the waiting arms (and orifices) of prostitutes, random dudes at sex clubs, and more.

8. Drive (2011)

Suspense, romance, bad guys getting their faces stomped in in elevators: Nicolas Winding Refn's crowd-pleasing action flick undeniably had a little something for everyone, so what could possibly be the problem with inviting a lady over to snuggle up to a little Drive?

We'll tell you: Gosling. Straight up, he's too attractive in this movie. There's a reason your female friends ventured out for second and third viewings when Drive was in theaters, and it didn't have anything to do with the badass driving sequences. Remember how much you admired him strutting around in that blood-stained jacket? Well, your girl will too, and suddenly you might as well be a rat fetus.

Spare yourself some inevitable feelings of inadequacy by avoiding slipping this into your DVD player.

7. Pretty In Pink (1986)

Chicks love this throwback Molly Ringwald flick, and even give bonus points to the man that's willing to grin and bear his way through John Hughes' 1986 rom-com about poor girl-rich guy love, but we'd proceed with caution.

Despite the happy ending for Andie Walsh (Ringwald) and her trust fund Romeo, more often than not, the first thing you'll hear girls talk about post-flick is poor Duckie (Jon Cryer), the protagonist's best friend who's hopelessly in love with her and ends up all by his lonesome. Roll credits. (Fortunately for Jon Cryer, despite his failure to bag the girl, there's no doubt that he's bagging more cash than any of his MIA co-stars with his high-paying role on Two And A Half Men.)

Next thing you know, though, your girl is looking at all of her friend zone dudes in a whole new light. And you can't have that.

6. American Psycho (2000)

Gaining a lady's trust can be difficult as is. Spare yourself some added effort by not showing the object of your affection a movie about a philandering, murderous yuppie who cuts hookers to pieces with a chainsaw. Especially if you work in finance.

5. Kids (1995)

After watching best friends Casper and Telly in effect for 91 of the most depressing minutes of your lives, not only is it likely your woman will never trust you again—she might even suspect you of having HIV and giving it to her. Such is the tale of the two New York City teenagers we witness spending 24 hours running around the city, getting fucked up, and procuring sex by any means possible, whether they're seducing first-timers, or on a far worse note, date raping acquaintances, passing along the virus.

Not likely to inspire confidence in the goodness of men (especially because this shit happens in real life).

4. Closer (2004)

Mike Nichols' 2004 drama, credited with helping Clive Owen rise to fame, can also be credited with causing your courtship to go down in flames if you're nuts enough to entertain the idea of renting this with your boo. Ever.

Inspired by Patrick Marber's play of the same name, Closer trails two intertwining couples, both of which spend the duration of the movie having affairs with each other, tearing their partners apart, lying through their teeth, and switching back again. With the cheating rate reported to be as high as 70% for dudes and 50% to 60% for women as of 2011, does it seem like any non-awkward conversation can possibly follow this flick?

3. Blue Valentine (2010)

Blue Valentine is more than a title—it's exactly what you'll experience if you opt for a private screening with your woman friend this evening. Choose not to heed our words of warning and chances are you won't have one by morning.

In this bleak tale of bad romance, Ryan Gosling (who we already warned you about) and Michelle Williams star as a once-madly in love couple whose evolution viewers witness into a duo that can barely stand to be in the same room with one another. (And no, not in a quirky Katherine Heigl way.) If you happened to catch this in theaters, there was no missing that first nonverbal exchange between couples that said it all: "So...should we just throw in the towel?"

2. Precious (2009)

Don't be fooled by the promise of appearances by Mariah, Lenny Kravitz, and the always jaw-dropping Paula Patton. You won't find any sweet serenades in 2009's quintessential feel-bad film—only plot twist after stomach-turning plot twist, most of which concern an overweight 16-year-old girl impregnated by her father (and all of which couldn't make you look like a bigger creeper for simultaneously attempting to move in for a smooch).

1. The Human Centipede (2009)

Some things you just can't un-see and Dutch director Tom Six's 2009 gross-out flick is definitely one of them. In the world's most twisted ATM tale, an evil German doctor drugs and kidnaps tourists before surgically joining them from anus to mouth. His goal? To forge the world's first human centipede, its comprising parties sharing one digestive system.

Really? You need us to tell you more about this?