4. The Met and/or MoMA

Neighborhood: Upper East Side/Midtown 
Address: 1000 5th Ave./11 West 53rd St.
Website:  metmuseum.org/moma.org

Whether to have public sex in the Met or the MoMA comes down to a matter of taste. We consulted a noted art historian on the matter and here’s what he had to say: 

On the Met: “For the more classically-minded, there is nothing more enjoyable than ducking into a far corner of the Metropolitan Museum of Art and fornicating next to a sarcophagus, beneath a Roman sculpture, or in the quiet tranquility of a Japanese Zen Garden. It truly gives you a sense of history and situates you within a long socio-sexual tradition.”

On the MoMA: “The more adventurous…the more avant-garde minded among you may find that copulating at the Museum of Modern Art makes you feel at one with the other works on exhibition. Indeed, one’s ecstatic moans during sex evoke the frantic word association of the Dadaist movement, while the more adventurous positions, in the tradition of the Double Reverse Cowgirl or the Bulgarian Swan Dive, owe a distinct debt to several schools of modernist sculpture.”

Pro Tip: When choosing between the two, follow your gut instinct. You know what they say: “I may not know art, but I know what I like to fuck in.”