We all knew it was going to happen (thank you, paparazzi), and tonight it finally did: Vinny left the shore last night. Despite the gigantic paycheck he gets from MTV every episode, we've got to say, Vin did look pretty down since returning from Italy, and if heading back home is what's best for him, then that's what he's got to do. At least until next week, when he'll most likely return because no one actually ever leaves on this show, unless their names happens to be Angelina.
Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)
Jionni + Sitch = New BFFs?
Picking up right from where we left off last week, Vinny's still feeling depressed and not completely in his element at the shore. Not even the promise of more airtime ("We start work tomorrow," says Pauly, in an effort to cheer his best friend up) can make Vinny turn that frown upside down, and he mopes and pouts in the corner while everyone looks all serious. Deciding whether or not to stay in an all-expenses-paid beach house partying it up for money is a tough decision.
Everyone else, on the other hand, seems to be doing just fine now that they're back on American soil. The group spends the night at Aztec, where Sitch runs into some girl he briefly hooked up with in the first season (he remembers her?!). He mumbles something about how she's a nice girl before smiling creepily and announcing that she's also a sure thing. Just when we thought maybe you were maturing, bro...
Over in another corner, Snooki, Jionni, and Ryder—who is clearly gunning for Vinny's job—are just leaving the club when it starts raining outside. Perhaps it's something to do with the massive amounts of self-tanner they slather on themselves, or maybe they're afraid they'll melt if the rainwater hits them, but the both ladies begin shrieking and running for their lives. Back at the house, Jionni borrows some of Sitch's clothes so that he has something dry to wear that night, before offering to cook him some food. They already share girls, Sitch reasons to the camera, so why not clothes and food?
When Snooki Tells You To Stop Tanning, It's Time To Stop Tanning
The next day, Jenni and Sammi show up for work, minus Vinny. Danny has them open the shop themselves anyway and waits around until Vinny shows up a while later. Danny asks Vinny to go for a walk with him to find out what's wrong, where Vinny confesses that he's suffered from clinical anxiety since he was sixteen, and it's been hard to keep his emotions in check.
After work, it's time for GTL plus mani/pedis, and though we didn't actually think it was possible to say, perhaps Pauly went a bit too far this time. After griping about how he didn't get to tan in Italy, Pauly came back to the states and tanned so much he pretty much burnt his face off. "I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would tell anyone in this house to stop tanning," Snooki announces matter-of-factly. "That's when you know the world is ending." Well, it is 2012.
Later that night, it's time to get ready for their first night back at Karma. Snooki exhibits, perhaps, some level of emotional growth when she decides it may be better to leave her "Jionni"-emblazoned underwear at home and wear something else, for fear that she'd drunkenly flash them in the club and Jionni would make another scene. Despite this, Jionni still begs her not to drink, but we get the feeling that he's seriously delusional because when would that ever happen?
Everyone hits the bottle as soon as they step foot into Karma, Snooki included. Jionni gets a little fed-up with her behavior and tries to get her to go home early, but, unlike how it went down in Italy, he doesn't throw a fit when she becomes too difficult to handle. Two of these guys showing signs of maturing in one night? Maybe the world actually is ending.
Pauly meets a girl that seems too good to be true: She's DTF and ready to leave even before him. But she turns out to be a bit of a psycho and snatches Pauly's beloved chain when he's not looking so that she has an excuse to come back and see him later. She ends up losing her shoes at the hous, anyway, so her act of theft is ultimately moot.
It's safe to say that Pauly is nothing short of heartbroken when he discovers that his chain is missing, and Snooki suggests that perhaps the girl he brought home last night stole his chain so she could come back and smush again, because that's something she herself would do. Lo and behold, Snooki's right, and the next morning Pauly's sticky-fingered hook-up comes back wearing the chain. She still can't find her shoes, though, but Pauly reasons to the camera that she's already lost her dignity and self-respect, so why would she need shoes, too?
Even Those Massive Paychecks Aren't Enough To Make Vinny Stay
Vinny's been having a rough time since returning to Jersey. Despite his roommates' best efforts at cheering him up, nothing's quite quelling his anxiety and he's seriously thinking about going home. He confides in Ron that he needs a break from the whole club scene and that he just wants to rest; Ron admits to the cameras that Vin does look like he needs to focus on himself now.
They come home, and Vinny mopes around the patio until Snooki comes out and asks him if he's going to stay. He doesn't give her a straight answer, which prompts her to ask her second, much more important question: "You gonna drink tonight?" Because when someone is depressed, obviously the best medicine is more booze.
Vinny tells her he's not going to drink at all anymore because he's not in that state of mind, and Snooki blankly replies that she understands even though it's clear she doesn't.
While everyone else prepares for another night of partying, Vinny stays home. Pauly, being the most bromantic of all the bros in the land, stays back with him to keep him company. Vinny's choice to stay at the house turns out to be a bit of a ruse, however, and he calls his sister after everyone else leaves to tell her that he's coming home. Pauly begrudgingly admits that he understands and helps Vinny pack, because at the end of the day it's his decision.
The episode ends with Vinny getting into a cab and heading back to Staten Island while everyone else is still out drinking and fist-pumping. It should be sad, but judging by the promo for next week, in which the cameras follow Vinny all the way back to S.I., it's not like we're never going to see him again. Catch you next week, Vin!
The Episode's Best Quotes
"All of a sudden, thunder...pouring...everybody's running for their lives right now." - The Situation, describing a light rain storm
"Pauly likes to come into my room when I'm sleeping and tickle my feet and scream, 'Oh, yeah!' So I just sneak up and I cuddle with him... I probably shouldn't have did that in front of Vin; I think Vinny got a little mad because that's his bitch." - Ronnie, describing Pauly and Vinny's relationship
"It's important to look your hottest the first night at Karma. Because, if you don't look hot the first night of Karma, karma will get you." - Snooki, being all philosophical
"I'm actually thinking about not drinking tonight... just kidding." - Deena, showing how much of a comedian she is
"Doing eyelashes when you're buzzed is not a good time." - Deena