A Gentleman's Guide to Casual Sex

Be a straight shooter

We hate to say it, but if there is a crazy woman running rampant in your life, you are probably at fault.

Let's rewind for a minute: When you started this affair, did you evade questions about what you were looking for, or inadvertently give her hopes of something beyond sex? Did you say some things you didn't mean in an effort to seal the deal?

We thought so. 

The following is a list of things you should never say:

• "I like you." (Enjoying the sex and enjoying her company are worlds apart.)


• "You're beautiful." (This is a loaded adjective—stick to sexy or hot.)


• "I can't wait to see you again." (This can be misconstrued as a desire for time spent together not in the nude.)


• "I want to get to know you." (Do you actually? Or are you just quoting some romcom you saw once?)


• "Let's just see where things go." (But you've already made up your mind about it not going anywhere.)


• "I'm not capable of love." (This bullshit might convince some—some—women that they can "fix you," but mostly you just sound like a coward.)

To call yourself a gentleman, you need to be an honest, straightforward communicator. This means using sentences like, "I respect you, so I'm going to be honest. I want something casual and I don't see that changing anytime soon."

Yes, this means you might lose a few along the way, but false advertising is a shady way to kick game. It'll only come back to haunt you stalk you down the line, trust.

Beware of the unspoken

The dude above is probably mulling over a question many men have pondered: How do I get this woman out of my apartment? 

The out-the-door shuffle the next morning is a tricky dance, but one that's easily learned. No need to make up an imaginary orthodontist appointment, it should be as simple as "I've got a ton to do today. Let's do this again soon." Congrats, you've just got her out the door without committing to anything!

This is just one occasion where saying what's on your mind clearly and concisely will make your intentions clear. Others include:

• Making a point to hang out in casual, non-romantic situations (Think a drink with friends vs. an intimate dinner—if you have to hang out at all)


• Saying no to meetings with parents and other significant occasions (What would she introduce you as, her occasional smash-partner?)


• Not communicating in an overly-personal matter (No venting about your boss, sorry bro)


• Avoiding cuddling post-sex (It releases oxytocin, the brain chemical responsible for attachment) 

Reinforcing your "wifey-free" frame of mind means she knows you meant what you said, which successfully weeds out women who are looking for a relationship, making for healthy, mutually-beneficial boning. Compare this to the guy who leads her on (whether accidentally or out of insecurity) and then encounters her warranted wrath down the line.

Here's another secret: Not all women are looking for a relationship. Many are on the same page as you—too busy to do anything but get busy. Confuse her and she'll either think you're getting caught up (and bail), or start to get caught up herself (causing you to bail).

Choose your woman wisely

Sometimes a freaking-only relationship is doomed from day one, thanks to a faulty fuck-buddy. Take the wrong girl home and you'll be knee-deep in disaster. Examples of the wrong girl include:

• The ex (Biggie was wrong—the ex does not make the sex spectacular; it makes the sex emotionally sloppy.)


• The girl you know has a thing for you (Humping will only make that thing grow. Ayo!)


• The girl you heard is a little crazy (Do we need to explain this one?)


• The girl whose friendship you value (The odds of things not getting weird are too low to make this worth it—unless you decide you want more.)


• The girl you work with (The expression, "Don't shit where you eat," comes to mind.)

Sure, it all seems obvious enough, but don't front like you haven't done one, if not all, of the above. Have a little foresight before you freak and save your dignity (and your reputation) down the line.

Be a gentleman

Getting it in doesn't mean giving up your essential humanity. You shouldn't be a part-time monster just because you don't want a full-time relationship. Treat the woman you're lucky enough to get into bed with the respect she deserves.

• Don't be sexually selfish (If you had an orgasm, so should she. It's as simple as that.)


• Respect her boundaries (If she says no, don't push the issue.)


• Don't bone and blab (Keep the play-by-play to yourself, especially if you have mutual friends.)


• Keep in mind, if there's something she wants to be doing, she'll be doing it (Cough—oral sex—cough)


• Don't force her into your every kinky fantasy. Just because you took her home doesn't mean she's your personal dirty puppet.


• Let her sleep over—but don't cuddle or make her breakfast


• Don't expect her to always come to you. She may be your booty-call, but that doesn't mean she delivers (women don't enjoy being treated like Chinese food).

This list is by no means exhaustive. In general, keeping a relationship purely sexual should change nothing with regards to treating a human being like a human being. This is helpful not only for maintaining a clear conscience, but also in the case that you might want to move beyond the strictly sexual. Simply put: Do not burn bridges. There is no good reason to.

Know when to cease and desist

There will be times when you've been a perfect gentleman, when you've done everything right, but things will still, without warning or reason, explode in your face. People have emotions, sex can be tricky, things happen, et cetera.

If any of the following is happening—and you don't want to move into something more serious—it's time to lace up the Nikes:

• She calls just to talk (This is about non-physical intimacy.)


• She puts a homing device on your person (Yes, that new iPhone app counts.)


• She tells other people you're her boyfriend even though you've never seen her outside of your bedroom


• She watches you while you sleep


• She tells you she loves you

If any of the above (or any other intimations of attachment) occur, you need to get out. If you continue to sleep with her, you run all the risk of damaging your rep and your peace of mind. By continuing to sleep with her after she's shown she wants much more, you're leading her on. So: on to the next one.

Wrap it up and 'fess up

Yes, we understand that the draw of casual sex is having no obligations to the other person outside of each others' sexual satisfaction. But in reality you do have one very important thing you're accountable for—the other person's health. So yes, that means being honest if she asks you if you're sleeping with anyone else, and ideally, that means her doing the same. 

Regardless of what she says or what you're doing, you should use a condom. Every single time.

You may assume you were the only one with enough game to get her home, but really, you're not that suave. And if that's not enough to get your to wrap it up, consider this: Nothing takes a relationship causal to committed like a baby. 'Nuff said.