Hey guys, we finally know what's in Vivien's (Connie Britton) belly: the AntiChrist! Total surprise, right? When the nurse fainted a couple weeks ago and started yapping about hooves and horns we thought she was just talking about ALF or something. But all kidding aside, this week's episode was the American Horror Story version of a table-setting episode. Meaning there wasn't much movement as the pieces are slowly being set for the season's end run. Of course, series co-creator Ryan Murphy isn't one to let his episodes sit completely still. So while Ben (Dylan McDermott) played catch-up to things the rest of his family already discovered, we were left with the exploits of Hayden (Kate Mara), who has in death gone from nuisance to MVP, and Constance (Jessica Lange) to entertain us.
"You are finally beginning to see things as they are."
Well, it's about damn time. Welcome to the land of the evolved Ben. The moment when the camera panned up Moira's (Frances Conroy/Alex Breckenridge) body from Ben's POV to reveal that he was finally seeing her as all non-horny males do was awesome. But he was way past due on learning just what the hell is going on under his roof.
As Ben did his damned best to ignore Moira's many advances he also got caught up on some other old news: Viv's not having his child. Actually she is and she isn't. While most of us assumed that both twins were Rubber Tate's (Evan Peters), it turns out he and Ben both got a little man through the goalposts on the same day. We can understand how that news would definitely be a slap in the face after all the shit Vivien's been giving him all season, but that hospital visit, where he accused her of being a calculating, manipulative sociopath, was cold. You did fuck the marriage up first after all, dude.
For some reason, instead of immediately believing his own wife's assault story, Ben deduces that she and home security officer Luke (Morris Chestnut) actually met earlier than previously dictated, have been getting it on since, and their Halloween meeting was a show for his benefit. Because Ben is a big believer in convoluted conspiracies. How else does he rationalize Hayden not being six feet under the gazebo?
The Travis Dahlia
Constance is still understandably an emotional wreck post Addy's death, and her extremely healthy and pure romance with Travis, the struggling model a third of her age, is starting to suffer for it. Her psycological torture pushes him into Hayden's arms for Murder House Basement Sex, because Hayden is conducting human trials on her ghost-living sex experiment. See, now that Viv is out of the picture Hayden is throwing her campaign for First Lady of the Murder House campaign into full throttle, which means announcing her presence to Ben to save his skin when her shrill sister and a detective come calling about her disappearance, and sowing seeds of dissent by suggesting Luke is Viv's other baby daddy.
She is also apparently the patron ghost of lost souls because this week she has to break it to yet another woman that she's, y'know, dead. Back in 1947, a randy dentist was running his practice in the Murder House and liked to knock his female patients out and drill them before he got around to drilling cavities. One unlucky patient, Elizabeth Short (Mena Suvari), died from an overdose and the panicked doctor gladly let Dr. Frankenstein Charles (Matt Ross) step in to help him dispose of the body. Charles's affinity for hack jobs and his twisted sense of humor are, as AHS would like you to believe, the real truth behind one of America's greatest murder mysteries, The Black Dahlia.
Was this pointless? Extremely. But it was such an after-thought that instead it kind of came off as a blackly comic way to insert the Murder House into existing L.A. history, and by that intent it succeeded. The casting may indicate otherwise but for now, The Black Dahlia is only here to get it on with Moira and serve up a nice punchline at the end of the episode.
During one of their basement sex cope sessions, Travis rubs Hayden the wrong way, so naturally she stabs the shit out of him, and calls upon Larry the Burn Guy (Denis O'Hare), now the go-to goon of the series, to dispose of the body. Of course Charles can't pass up the opportunity to put his artistic touch on another dead canvas. The LAPD sure are gonna love that one.
Constance's Family Tree Gets Even More Twisted
At first Constance is horrified when Moira gleefully tells her that Tate is going to be a daddy, and in his single appearance of the night we get a chilling glimpse of what the relationship between mother and son was like when he was still alive. Somewhere in between however, Constance gets the bright idea to throw her name in the raffle for Vivien's babies and steal her grandson to raise with Travis to give her life-and their relationship-renewed purpose.
But Travis balks at the idea and doesn't live to get the chance to tell her he changed his mind. Which is probably good for him, considering what Billie Dean (Sarah Paulson) the medium tells her. As far as we know she isn't nor has ever been a pope, but she sure knows the contents of the mythical Pope's Box, said to reveal the true nature of the Beast (read: AntiChrist). The recipe for that beast: a child born of ghost-human copulation. Uh-oh.
-- As Hayden proved last week, you can still do physical, if not lasting damage to a ghost. By that standard, it's safe to assume Moira was already undead when Constance shot her through the eye in '83.
-- There's internet talk that Violet is actually among the undead from one of her many suicide attempts. But we counter: If she's already bound to the house, why was Tate so caught up with making sure her mom didn't whisk her away last week?
-- Is Billie Dean Constance's fourth child?
-- Murphy has said that Larry didn't get his burns the way we assume he did. Maybe Tate didn't take too kindly to Mom's new man?