What's the difference between Miami's Federal Detention Center and a strip club? Very little, if you're a drug kingpin. Several attorneys, who are probably pissed off that they didn't think of this first, claim that the lawyers for these cocaine cowboys are listing gorgeous young strippers as their "assistants."

There's no way to verify who these beautiful-and often illegal-women are, so they're granted access to the FDC. Once inside, they smuggle smut, liquor and money to these wealthy drug lords. Oh, and of course they let these dudes get their grope on. One was even banned after being caught stripping for an inmate in the Special Housing Unit. A private investigator says this operation is one of the worst kept secrets, and one lawyer even said it "certainly beats paying a cover and waiting on lines to get into LIV."

No, you can't change a hoe into a housewife, but you can dress a non-citizen stripper up as a legal assistant. The sale of sex turns illegals into paralegals, and even though it's make believe, it's the American dream realized right before our eyes. Also, who could've predicted the day when law firms doubled as escort services?

[via Miami New Times]

Follow @ComplexGuide.