This weekend, it’s your girl’s time to shine. Normally, girlfriends have to contend with their boyfriends’ distracted attention on Saturdays and Sundays, when no work means more time to watch basketball (college, obviously), football, and whatever other sport they’re too exhausted to peep during the week. Or, even better, hours upon hours of video game play. This leaves disgruntled wifeys with the at times thankless job of sitting on the couch and counting the seconds until the sporting event is over, or the final level gets beaten. That way, their men will (hopefully) follow the post-game report and/or death of the level’s boss by taking her to some “reservation only” dining establishment—anything that doesn’t involve referees or controllers.
Tonight, however, with the opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, the ladies shall take over control. Whether it’s through dragging their hubbies by the coattails or arranging a Robert Pattinson-sweating “girls’ night out,” the majority of Earth’s female population will congregate inside movie theaters all weekend long to witness the beginning of the end.
That’s right, the Twilight franchise, based on author Stephanie Meyer’s hugely successful book series, is nearly caput, the first half of the final storyline kicking off in Breaking Dawn – Part 1 with the wedding, and subsequent monster baby birth, of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and sparkly, non-dangerous vampire Edward Cullen (Pattinson). Theater owners would be wise to shell out boxes of tissues with every ticket purchase.
The Twilight phenomenon doesn’t always have to cause such split gender politics, though. As difficult as it is to spoon with a girl who’s self-admittedly “Robsessed,” there are several ways for men—specifically ones who prefer Max Schreck to Kellan Lutz—to cope with Twi-hard-headed lovers. In the spirit of romantic functionality, we present The Complex Guide To Dating A Twilight Fan.
Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)