Video: The Workaholics' Guide To Adult Trick-Or-Treating

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What are the rules for trading candy?
Anders Holm:
You never want to be the guy that trades down, so you have to lie. Like, if you don’t like Almond Joys, which some people don’t—I personally love them—you’ve got to pretend like you don’t like them. So you’re like, "I guess I’ll take your Almond Joy, you can take my O’Henry bar." Then you just fuckin’ got 'em.

Adam DeVine: Got 'em! Boss move.

 

You must remember that Halloween has the best house parties of any day of the year, so get out there and get your face in some titties. —Blake Anderson

 

Blake Anderson: Just one word of advice: Bottle Caps are basically like the platinum of Halloween. Hold on to your Bottle Caps. That’s the most delicious candy you’re going to find on the market.

Adam DeVine: Blake’s dumb. That’s dumb advice.

Anders Holm: I agree. He doesn’t even know what he’s talking about. Sweet Tarts?

Blake Anderson: Adam and Anders are very dumb.

Adam DeVine: That’s not true. I agree with both of them...says the guy that doesn’t have anything clever to say.

Anders Holm: I’ve got a question. What is the pinnacle candy to get?

Blake Anderson: Bottle Caps.

Adam DeVine: No, no, no, no, no, no. It’s mini-candy bars and you go with a Kit-Kat or a Butterfinger or a Crunch bar.

Blake Anderson: It’s classic. It’s Nestle. You gotta go Nestle or you gotta go home.

Anders Holm: Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Those are good.

Adam DeVine: Those are classic. You keep 'em cool, You keep 'em under your bed hidden from your little sister or your dog.

Anders Holm: And you can take the black wrapper off and wrap it around your teeth and it looks like you have no teeth. So that’s for next year’s Halloween costume, as a hobo.

Blake Anderson: Wax vampire teeth.

That’s a high priority item? You want to get wax vampire teeth?
Blake Anderson:
Yeah, I love them.

Adam DeVine: My mom knew this woman who lived in the neighborhood. We saw her like all the time just taking groceries in the house or whatever, and she would always make Rice Krispies Treats. But my mother wouldn’t let me eat them because she made them, like she was poisoning the neighbor kid who she sees every day. It was really stupid. My mom should’ve just let me eat a Rice Krispies Treat. It’s not like [the woman ever] got arrested for poisoning kids.

But your mom would’ve been vindicated if all the kids in the neighborhood were dead the next day, except for you.
Adam DeVine:
Yeah.

Anders Holm: That’s what moms are about. She’s all about proving people wrong.

Adam DeVine: Yep, Penny DeVine: 1. Every other mom in the neighborhood: 0.

That’s also the amount of kids that those poor, childless neighbors have now, zero.
Adam DeVine:
Yeah, zero kids.

So, we know Blake doesn't approve, but if you are going to be that jackass and shake kids down for their candy, how do you go about doing that?
Blake Anderson:
Don’t do it.

Adam DeVine: I got robbed when I was a kid, and they just jumped us. They just came up and were like, "Give us all your candy," and we were like, "No." There were four of them and they were like eighth graders and we were in fifth grade. And then they just pushed us and took our shit, and we felt like chumps. So I feel like that was a good way to go about doing it if you’re going to be that kid.

Anders Holm: I’d take a machete.... You’d just roll with a machete and get real psuedo-Indian style on them. You just have to chop off the entire arm that’s holding the pillow case and you’re good.

Blake Anderson: There’s enough candy for everybody on Halloween. Why are we stealing from each other?

Adam DeVine: Blake’s crying right now, by the way.

Blake Anderson: Bullshit.

Anders Holm: Can we get some paper towels?

I mean, I guess the idea is that shaking the kids down would be its own treat. For some people.
Blake Anderson:
Yeah, for jerks.

Anders Holm: No, I think you’re talking to a group of really nice fucking dudes right now. We are so fucking nice and we wouldn’t do anything like that. Unless they had some Almond Joys. If they were on segways I’d beat the shit out of them.

Blake Anderson: Yeah, don’t segway-and-treat, that’s bully.

Adam DeVine: Yeah, I guess it really depends on their costume. If they have a dickhead costume, they’re getting jacked.

Anders Holm: Jack moves, homeboy!

Adam DeVine: Like if they’re in a KKK costume...jack moves.

Blake Anderson: Jack 'em.

Adam DeVine: But if you’re just Satan or whatever, come here, buddy. Let’s trade. I’ve got an Almond Joy, you’ve got an O’Henry. Let’s make a deal.

What are some of the other costumes that you might fuck somebody up for wearing?
Blake Anderson:
 Jadakiss. [Laughs.]

Anders Holm: If you’re dressed like Jadakiss, you’re getting your teeth knocked in!

Adam DeVine: We hate Jadakiss. Fuck Jadakiss.

Blake Anderson: Adam’s a dead man. Shots fired at Jadakiss! It was never supposed to be like this.

Anders Holm: Dressing as a Nazi is pretty bad.

Blake Anderson: Or dressing as one of the Workaholics.

Anders Holm: I truly wanna know how many Blakes there are going to be out there this year.

Blake Anderson: I’m going to beat up every Blake I see. We’re going to beat them up with kisses.

Any last words of wisdom for adult trick-or-treaters?
Anders Holm:
I would just like to remind them that sex and alcohol exist. So go for candy and all that, but again, like, really fucking drink, though.

Adam DeVine: When you’re out there, make sure you’re drunk and have as much weird sex as possible in people's front yards.

Blake Anderson: You must remember that Halloween has the best house parties of any day of the year, so get out there and get your face in some titties.

Anders Holm: It’s the perfect day to put your face in titties.

Blake Anderson: Oh, they’re out!

Anders Holm: The freak flags are flying.

Interview by Ross Scarano (@RossScarano)

Tags: workaholics, comedy-central, halloween, candy, anders-holm, adam-devine, blake-anderson
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