This week's episode, "Three Men And A Snooki," focuses on Snooki's rapidly deteriorating relationship with Jionni, and, considering that Jionni left the house (and presumably the city) at the end of the last episode, this isn't terribly surpising. It's still somewhat disappointing since, you know, there are other cast members, but we'll take what we can get. At the very least, we got to see the gang go back to their roots and, in an effort to bring a little Jersey to Italy, dress like they walked straight out of an episode of The Sopranos, complete with tracksuits, gold chains, and enough spandex leopard print to last a lifetime. Let us elaborate.
Snooki Doesn't Handle Break-Ups Very Well
Snooki is still mourning her dear boyfriend Jionni's departure from the house after having arrived in Italy only six hours prior. If you don't recall, Jionni was angry with Snooki for dancing provocatively in a club to the point where her, as she calls it, "kooka" was hanging out for everyone in the club to see. He stormed off, and Snooki cried a lot.
At the beginning of "Three Men And A Snooki," she's still distressed, only now she's drinking heavily (shocker!) to rid herself of her heartbreak. Not the most healthy way to deal with relationship problems, we must admit, but it does help Snooks dance drunkenly while explaining to a group of strangers, and that's just good television.
With Jenni still mad at Snooks for blowing up at her, Sammi, considering she was in the same position a short while ago with Ronnie, somehow becomes an unlikely role model for Snooks. Though we'd be skeptical to ever consider accepting any advice related to relationships from Sammi, she seems to know what she's talking about. "That's not me anymore!" Sammi exclaimed at one point to Jenni. "Tell her she's being the old me!" And she's right. Guys, hell may have just frozen over.
When Jenni gets Jionni on the phone and pleads with him to talk to Snooks, it takes a lot of half-sobs and exasperated cries to find out that Jionni never actually left town; though he initially says that he's in Rome, turns out he's still at a train station in Florence. Snooki and Jenni rush to find him before he actually boards a train to Rome, and it's almost as if the build-up is better than the outcome. When they find him, he merely tells Snooks that he can't stay because his mother changed his ticket. "I'll pay you back," Snooki pleads, but Jionni isn't having any of that and proceeds to walk Snooki back to the house before chastely (for Snooki, anyway) kissing her and returning to the train station to leave town. We call bullshit on this, because we're pretty sure MTV covered the costs of his trip anyway, but Snooki seems to accept it and begrudgingly goes back inside.
Deena May Be Reproducing
Vinny actually receives a little screen-time in this episode, which is an improvement over the past few weeks, but it's still sad that Pauly is the only one left out now. He had to fight to get the cameras to pay attention, however, considering it took him building a freakin' pyramid on Deena's bed, complete with a couch and pretty much everything Deena owns, for the show's producers to give him any airtime.
After that, the episode focuses on Deena, as she confesses at a club to the cameras, national television, and Jenni, that she thinks she might be pregnant. Apparently, she had sex with a guy before going to Italy, and she's wondering if her recent moodiness might be a sign that she's with child; also, she's missed a period. Jenni suggests that they go and find a pregnancy test for her to take, despite the fact that they are in the middle of a club at an ungodly hour, citing that Deena's been smoking and drinking a lot since coming to Italy and that if she is pregnant, she needs to know now. Plus, the alternative is sitting around the club and watching Snooki push some guy around the dance floor and nearly choke him because she's just that angry at Jionni.
So, the two leave in search of a pregnancy test, while Deena laments, loudly, that her parents will kill her if she's pregnant. Well, it's safe to say they know you at the very least had a pregnancy scare now, Deena...
They finally find a test and the two return home. Thanks to whatever higher power or brand of contraception, she turns out to not be pregnant, and the world is safe from tiny little overly tan meatballs running around. For now.
The Gang Brings Jersey To Italy... Somewhat
It isn't until more than halfway through the episode that Snooki and Jionni talk again, this time over the phone. They (obviously) get into another fight, only this time it's because Jionni comments that she was dancing like a "f**king pig," and Snooki rightfully puts him in his place, and, in the end, tells him that they're taking a break.
Later, in what's probably the best scene all season, the gang decides that it'd be an awesome idea to bring a bit of Seaside to Florence, and turn their living room into a poor man's Karma (which, as you should know, is the club where all the shit goes down in Jersey). The girls dress up in full guidette garb, which of course means wearing the tightest, most animal-print, shortest dress you can possibly find and having the tallest hair poof imaginable, while the guys don tracksuits. Pauly spins some records, and they just get wasted and dance. It's like the first season all over again!
Sitch, who, if you'll all remember, has a weird obsession with Snooks, decides to take this opportunity to prey on her while she's vulnerable, and proceeds to creep on her mid-dance. She's having none of that and keeps him at arm's length, even saying "no touching" when he tries to grab her hips. Either the rejection is too much for him to handle or he's just a certifiable asshole (we're going with the latter), since he proceeds to start bringing up the "did-they-or-didn't-they" hook-up that plagued the two earlier this season. Snooks maintains that nothing happened, but Mike isn't really agreeing with her. Later, when Snooki isn't in the room, he insinuates just exactly what they did, angering most of the roommates.
This results in Mike sleeping alone, and Snooki accompanying Deena into Pauly and Vinny's room while they're preparing to go to bed. Initially both Deena and Snooki try to squeeze in on Pauly's bed, but it's quite small so Snooki levels that she'll go with Vinny while Deena stays with Pauly. It doesn't take more than ten minutes before Pauly kicks her out of his bed because he legitimately wants to sleep; things go a completely different way for Vinny and Snooks, however, and they quickly start making out on his bed. Snooki tells him that she's not with Jionni anymore, and Vinny accepts this, lamenting to the camera later that he couldn't just kick her out.
With that, the episode ends with Vinny and Snooks messing around under the covers, leaving us (and Pauly, who's still in the bed right next to them) to wonder just what exactly happened.
Best Quotes Of The Episode
"Who cares if your face is a mess?" "...is it a mess?" - Sammi, to a pretty shocked Snooki
"Tell her she's being the old me!" - Sammi, about Snooki
"Vinny's in purple pants. I don't know how I feel about it." - Sammi again
"Eww, he put his penis on me!" - Deena; no explanation is really needed.
"So I'm, like, riding on him...and, like, choking him." - Snooki, detailing how she exhibits her rage on the dance floor
"You don't get it. Like, I will slit my wrists." - Deena, on just how well she'd handle the news if she's pregnant