10 Reasons Why Apes (And Monkeys) Should Hate Hollywood

Even though Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes gets two thumbs up, primates haven't always fared well in movies. It's time to feel their pain.

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Complex Original

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That loud pounding noise you hear? That’s the collective sound caused by thousands of primates beating their chests as commercials for Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes pop up on their handlers’ television sets. And who can blame them? The film world has never been too kind to apes and monkeys. Arguably the only example of simian cinema worth recommending, the original Planet Of The Apes, released in 1968, is largely seen as the best of its kind, but that’s mainly because Hollywood’s countless other attempts to base movies around the hairy mammals have been rotten bananas.

We have good news for the discontented animals, though: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (in theaters this Friday) is really damn good. Perhaps the summer’s biggest surprise, director Rupert Wyatt’s franchise restart is a rich blend of impressive CGI effects, brilliant motion-capture acting from Andy Serkis, and poignant characterization, specifically for Serkis’ Caesar, a chimp raised by a tolerably bland James Franco that’s smart as hell and ready for a chest-thumping revolution.

For the first time in years, primates have a reason to applaud the movie industry, not feel the urge to flick poop specks at disrespectful producers. But what’s caused the resentment, you ask? To empathize with Caesar’s kind, click through The 10 Reasons Why Apes (And Monkeys) Should Hate Hollywood. You might just want to rise in fury along with them.

10. For Exploiting Their Cuteness In Second-Rate Kids' Movies

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9. For Allowing Tim Burton To Screw With Their Legacy

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8. For Not Stopping A Has-Been From Embarrassing Both Primates And Himself

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7. For Making One Unlucky Gorilla Break The Fourth Wall

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6. For Resorting To Lazy "Animals Doing Human-Like Things" Gags

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5. For Centering One Of The Most Obnoxious Movies Ever Made On Their Extended Fam

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4. For Turning Gorillas Into Ridiculously Awful Costume Fodder

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3. For Making Them Talk In Cheap And Disturbing Ways

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2. For Refusing To Let King Kong Get The Girl

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1. For Pretending To Serve Their Brains As Dinner

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