A strange feeling took us over earlier this week, a sentiment that’s long been in the making yet hasn’t risen to the surface until now. It actually hurts our movie-loving souls to say it, but, fuck it, here goes: There’s a new Johnny Depp movie opening this weekend, and we couldn’t give two shits less. We’re referring to his latest blockbuster turn as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, of course, a sequel that seems less appealing with each commercial we see and every negative review we read.
There was once a time when a new Depp project became a must-see the second he signed on to star; from 1993 through about 2001, damn near every movie he made seemed worth our time (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Ed Wood, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, Donnie Brasco, Blow). But then came The Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl in 2003, a reasonably enjoyable action-adventure that, unbeknownst to us at the time, signaled a dramatic shift in Depp’s career. Once that flick hit it big, his professional trajectory sunk into a maelstrom of increasingly bland Pirates follow-ups, lame Tim Burton films, and prestigious tag-teams that ultimately blew (The Tourist with Angelina Jolie).
Today, Depp, who was once the coolest and most exciting actor in Hollywood, is everything we never thought he’d be: predictable and, yes, even dull. It doesn’t have to remain this way, however; in pure fan mode, we’ve thought up 10 Ways Johnny Depp Can Get His Swag Back. We’re sure that he’ll take these into serious consideration while he’s swimming in the millions of dollars accrued from the new Pirates flick.