By now you've come to terms with the fact that Charlie Sheen was finally (mercifully) fired from Two and a Half Men. Oh, wait; you didn't care about that show, and you're only a bit misty because Sheen's 15 minutes of insane fame monster'ing are coming to an end.
Still, if you are a Two and a Half Men fan (hey, mom!), there is some hope in the form of Jason Alexander. That's right: George Costanza has offered his comedic stylings to the Chuck Lorre-produced show. "Apparently, Charlie Sheen has been fired from Two and a Half Men," he wrote on Twitter. "As an act of pure selflessness, I would like to volunteer my services to step into his role, so that millions of fans around the world will not be disappointed."
Alexander wrote that he would go Method to replace Sheen, including, "using cocaine in quantities large enough to challenge the national output of Columbia; fornicate with as many adult film actresses as I can afford — I may throw in underage Thai hookers, as well; commit assaults in four and five star hotels prior to trashing the hotel rooms; and finally strive to alienate and piss off not only my immediate bosses and superiors, but the entire film and television industry." Sounds good to us, Jason! Perhaps Kramer, Jerry and Elaine can come too, and we can just call this Two and a Half Men reboot Seinfeld.
As for Sheen himself, he's planning a nationwide tour. Yep. “I need to gobble up all these f*ckin’ posers and bootleggers and make them go away," he told RadarOnline.com. "Then we’re gonna deliver the real f*ckin’ t-shirts and mugs and hats.” Got it.