Intimidated by Valentine's Day? You shouldn't be. It's pretty simple, really. Bathe. Groom yourself. Dress up a little. Bring a gift. Have a drink. And then, if you've accomplished the aforementioned tasks with just a little bit of style and grace, it's...time for milk and pink cookies. Still scared? OK, we'll help you out. Bathing—you're on your own. Grooming and clothes? Check the Style channel. As for gifts and drinks, we've got a few suggestions to share, plus a little V-Day advice from former Chappelle's Show writer Neal Brennan and the god Chris Rock. Here's how to romance, fancy pants.

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THE GIFT

Hit snooze on the stuffed teddy bears and dozen red roses and try something new.

Daddy B. Sunglasses from Oliver Peoples: A huge fan favorite of Jay Z. this hand-sculpted, unisex sunglass with its new red colorway is the perfect shade. oliverpeoples.com

glasses

Bulgari Chocolates: A box of chocolates from Bulgari isn’t your normal run of the mill tub of sweets. These chocolates are treated and packaged like jewels. Buying a box of these is like saying “I wish I could get you the real thing.” She’ll appreciate the sentiment, the chocolates, and especially the jewelry store packaging. Available at Bulgari flagship stores

bulgari

Yves Bag from Boyy: Strong yet sweet, with fine detailing, what girl wouldn’t appreciate the custom chain shoulder strap and hand stitched chain fringe? boyybag.com

bag

GP1 Biokork Bicycle Handles: For the athletic germophobe, the GP1 Biokork bicycle handles from Ergon are great. And yes, I own a pair. issuu.com

handle

Gift Certificate for Esquivel Shoes: As the saying goes, "Get her what she really wants," like a custom pair of handmade shoes with unique details from the toe shape down to the perfect hand burnished shade. It screams, "I don’t know what you want so go make it yourself!" esquivelshoes.com

shoes

retaW Fabric Liquid: Buy it for yourself (before she comes over). It’s like fancy Febreeze and shows your houseguests and potential dating partners that yes, you’re sophisticated (it’s Japanese) and you like your shit to smell nice.

liquid

 

THE DRINKS

drink

Customized by the bar wizard and host of TV series, Cocktail Kings, Colin Asare-Appiah.

INGREDIENTS:

Raspberries
Strawberries
Fresh lemon juice
Crushed ice
U’Luvka vodka
Bollinger champagne St. Germain elderflower
Chambord or raspberry liquor
Applejack whiskey

TOOLS:

Tall glass
Champagne flute
Tall bar spoon
Shaker
Strainer

DIRECTIONS:

For her (pictured above):
2 fresh strawberries, mashed
1 fresh strawberry for garnish
2 teaspoons St. Germain elderflower
1 oz. U’Luvka Vodka
1 bottle of Bollinger champagne
1 champagne flute
Ice water

Add ice water to your champagne glass at set aside to chill

In shaker:
Add 2 strawberries and mash into pulp
Then add vodka and elderflower to strawberries and shake

Empty ice water out of champagne glass
Strain contents from shaker into chilled champagne glass
Top with champagne
Garnish with fresh strawberry

For you:
4 fresh raspberries
2 oz. Applejack whiskey
2 tsp fresh lemon juice
2 tsp Chambord or raspberry liquor
Crushed ice
Tall glass

In shaker:

Add 4 raspberries and mash into pulp
Add whiskey, lemon juice, and Chambord and shake

Add crushed ice to tall glass
Strain contents of shaker into glass
Take tall spoon and mix the ice and the drink
Top with more crushed ice and serve

THE ADVICE

CHRIS ROCK:

"I don't know much about getting laid but here goes. If you're a guy you fall into two categories sexually: If you're good-looking girls tend to fuck you then get to know you. If you're not good-looking they get to know you before they fuck you. That would be me anyway. On Valentine's Day I've found that if a women is into you sexually there isn't much you can do wrong—girls that wanna fuck you tend to wanna fuck you more on V Day. My advice? Feed her, shut up, and get your dessert. On the other hand if a women isn't into you sexually then she really, really doesn't want to fuck you on V Day."  

Movie: "Best movie to watch on Valentine’s Day is Rocky. The guys get a good fight movie and the girls get a good love story. Everybody's happy."

NEAL BRENNAN:

"Girls just need to know that on Valentine's Day, dudes are under a lot of pressure. It's like a piano recital for us. At the end of the recital, it's important that you have sex with us."

Movie: "The Apartment is one of the best romantic comedies ever made. Watch it after you have sex with us."