Love In The Time Of Coleco: Our 10 Favorite Video Game Couples

Image via Complex Original

Game: Sonic the Hedgehog series

Complex Says: You know why we put this one here? [Ed.—You mean besides your plushy fetish?] Because sometimes it’s just human nature to stare at disturbing things. Otherwise, Faces of Death and Lady Gaga videos wouldn’t exist.

Game: Monkey Island series

Complex Says: We have no idea how this relationship/marriage works: Elaine seems to punk the naive Guybrush all the time, even after he saves her. But in the end, these two are going to be that old couple at the grocery store whose arguing is really just what makes them dig each other so much.

Game: Uncharted series

Complex Says: If you took an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog and mixed it with The Girl Who Got Hot After High School, and threw in a dash of vanilla ice cream, you'd get Nathan and Elena. Their generic, sort-of-witty-but-still-CW-Network-cheesy banter is as endearing as your old uncle who makes bad jokes but is too nice to hate on.

Game: Metal Gear Solid series

Complex Says: Pat Benatar got it right with this one—not with "Love is a Battlefield," but with "Heartbreaker." Snake and Meryl met in the middle of the battlefield, but in the end they just lost touch...so by the time they met up again, Meryl had already started hooking up with Johnny Sasaki. We’re still trying to figure that one out. Hey, no one said V-Day couples came away with happy endings.

Game: Super Mario series

Complex Says: We already know that Mario is just a stand-in boyfriend for the sake of Peach’s public image—a clean-cut, blue-collar Italian plumber boyfriend means less time on the cover of US Weekly. Unfortunately, as everyone has already surmised, Peach's "kidnappings" at the hands of Bowser are all spin control. "Kidnappings" = weekend getaways for Bowser and Peach in Turks & Caicos. And once you imagine the kind of stuff that goes on between a human princess and a giant spikey turtle during that weekend...well, the imagination can’t unimagine what it’s already imagined.

Game: Final Fantasy IX (2000)

Complex Says: There have been plenty of couples in Final Fantasy, but this one is the least annoying because Zidane isn’t a brooding, pouty, stereotype—we're looking at you, Squall and Cloud. And Garnet goes through her own identity-finding journey, somehow missing the fact that her boyfriend, at the end of the day, has a tail. Not that we're judging; we like a girl with an nice tail ourselvse.

Game: Gears of War series

Complex Says: No need to deny it anymore. Just be happy for them. Commitment is a beautiful thing.

Game: Ico 2001

Complex Says: Probably the most “AWWWW” couple on the list. A little horned outcast leading a wispy, awkwardly beautiful girl around by the hand in a strange place just reeks of The Goonies, and we love it.

Game: Mass Effect series

Complex Says: If you’re going to have a space romance, why would you hook up with Liara or Miranda? One’s human, and the other just looks like a LARPer. Boring! We always wanted something more exotic—like “three fingers, two toes" exotic. Oh, and with a purple translucent face mask. Tali was clearly the closest thing to that, so we chose her for our intergalactic valentine. (Even better: the instant you remove her facemask, she loses the Middle Eastern accent and starts talking like Rosie Perez. "HOWJOO LOOZ THE MONEY, BILLY?!")

Game: Half-Life series

Complex Says: Gordon never had to say a word to win Alyx’s affection. Somehow, the relationship just works. Although we’re starting to suspect that Gordon can't even speak or understand English—hence the silence—and Alyx just ordered him online through some Croatian Mail Order Husband site, crowbar not included. It’s just like when Oksana nods and silently serves you pierogi while you talk about your day and how your stupid co-worker crashed the forklift into a crate full of Onesies on the docks.