And for the first time ever, Jersey Shore's Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and William Faulkner have something in common. Well, besides their love of the Bump-It. This week, Snooki—fresh from being ball-dropped at the Jersey Shore on New Year's Eve—will release her first (and hopefully only) novel, A Shore Thing, which chronicles the summertime adventures of two cousins at the Jersey Shore. Of course it does. Strap on your sexiest leopard print and see if you can figure out which quotes come from A Shore Thing and which come from Faulkner's Southern Gothic classic Absalom, Absalom!
By Christopher Rosen
1.) "He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."
2.) "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."
3.) "His very body was an empty hall echoing with sonorous defeated names; he was not a being, an entity, he was a commonwealth. He was a barracks filled with stubborn, back-looking ghosts."
4.) "Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."
5.) "We have a few old mouth-to-mouth tales, we exhume from old trunks and boxes and drawers letters without salutation or signature, in which men and women who once lived and breathed are now merely initials or nicknames out of some now incomprehensible affection which sound to us like Sanskrit or Chocktaw; we see dimly people, the people in whose living blood and seed we ourselves lay dormant and waiting, in this shadowy attenuation of time possessing now heroic proportions, performing their acts of simple passion and simple violence, impervious to time and inexplicable."
6.) "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
7.) "Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank—on a weekday afternoon—was as clean and quiet as a church."
8.) "They lead beautiful lives—women. Lives not only divorced from, but irrevocably excommunicated from, all reality."
9.) "You can't understand it. You would have to be born there."
10.) "I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."
Answers: 1.) Snooki; 2.) Snooki; 3.) Faulkner; 4.) Snooki; 5.) Faulkner; 6.) Snooki; 7.) Snooki; 8.) Faulkner; 9.) Faulkner; 10.) Snooki
Snooki Source: NYP