It took Konami 15 years to realize that Contra deserved a much-needed refresh, but thankfully didn't add insult to lack of punctuality by turning the franchise into a 3D action-adventure game. (Then again, they probably learned from all of the unsuccessful Castlevania games that ranged from "meh" to "murp.") Contra 4 features the return of battlefield badasses Lance Bean and Bill Rizer, which have to be two of the most explicit video game porn names we've ever heard of. What, was Vagina Masher taken?

FUN FACT: The game's other two new main characters, Mad Dog and Scorpion, are actually from the American version of Contra and Super C on the NES, where Bill and Lance were given those nicknames.