The thing about rules is they’re set up in a complex system that depends on them being broken in order to exist. I don’t want to put something so heavy on such a sweet looking creature.

I love watching the new year come around and all of the changes that people gear up to make in its honor, as if the resolution gods need this sacrifice to bestow more time on us and promise another lap around the sun. Think of all the rules we’ve made for ourselves with each passing year, and the compounded guilt we’ve built up as we’ve repeatedly let them fall to the wayside. I’m not playing with self-enforced New Year’s rules anymore, because I’ve found, to my great displeasure, that time will pass whether I perform for it or not. So this year, there will be no resolutions. Instead, I suggest they be replaced with practical vices that can be easily maintained. Consider this my how-to guide.