The first and obvious one is the gym. Don’t bother. The fitness industry banks on you New Year’s people. I had a membership at 24 Hour Fitness a few years ago. I only joined because my best friend worked there, and it happened to be the year I could handle the treadmill. I’d show up, decked out in cute workout clothes and a ponytail, with the convertible top down and The White Stripes full speed ahead. I’d park crookedly near the window, and honk. She’d jump in and we’d go get coffee. It was a good routine, until the first two weeks of January.

Once that time of year rolled around I’d have to double-park while I waited for her, because of the "resolutioners," as she (and the rest of the staff) called them. They came in, sweating from the exertion of opening the front door, hopped on a machine for twenty minutes, then decided to pace themselves and sit in the spa instead (heat burns calories ya know). Then after two weeks they’d really pace themselves, and try again next year.

My friend loved it, because they all paid for large amounts of time in advance, in hopes of tricking themselves into justifying coming back. She got commission. I just dealt with it from the comfort of the driver’s seat. A few weeks later the parking spots would open up again and our lives would continue on as normal.