Every day at work, we think to ourselves, We really need to quit the job, drop the girlfriend, ditch the sidepiece, lose the lease, get a motorcycle, and just ride off into the great unknown. We don't do it, of course, because we can't bear the thought of not providing kick-ass content for you on the daily, but still we feel the urge. Fortunately, we're able to live the dream through Sons of Anarchy, FX's awesome series about a gun-running biker gang in California, which returns for its third season at 10 p.m. tonight. Complex caught up with Theo Rossi, who plays Mohawk-and-head-tat-having Sons member Juice Ortiz, for the August/September issue (see the Lindsay Lohan, T.I., and B.o.B. covers on stands now). The actor, who grew up riding dirt bikes in Staten Island and now rides a Harley-Davidson Street Bob in L.A., is a big hit with the biker community, especially the ladies. We got his advice on how to pick up biker chicks. See if you can land a badass motorcycle mama and get to hog heaven...
HAVE A BADASS BIKE (AND RIDE IT).
Theo says: You gotta ride ride—you gotta be riding all the time, not like a dentist riding on Sundays. You gotta ride a lot more on a bike than you're in a cage, a cage being a car. Don't let her even see you have a car. The bigger your bike, the louder the pipes, the better. It can't be some Nancy-boy, candy-ass bike. You can't be riding up on a Vespa! [Laughs.]
SHOW OFF SCARS AND TATTOOS.
Theo says: Biker chicks want the bad boy. Scars show toughness, that you've been through it and you're still standing. And the more tattoos the better—but tattoos that mean something, that represent who you are, not some cheesy-ass Tasmanian Devil or Woody Woodpecker you got on a two-day bender.
PUT IN WORK.
Theo says: [Customization] speaks volumes about who you are. The more you care for your bike, she'll see you'll care for her. Take time with the bike, she's gonna realize you're gonna take time with her—in the bedroom! [Laughs.]
HANDLE YOUR LIQUOR.
Theo says: You better know how to drink, and not frozen margaritas and Sex on the Beaches. You gotta drink. Bet your ass they do. Buy a couple of whiskey shots and beers and don't get drunk under the table by her. She ain't gonna respect you if you're passed out in a pool of your own vomit.
BE ABLE TO FIGHT.
Theo says: It's not impressive to get in a fight, but if one does happen you've gotta be ready to handle it. Every girl, not just biker chicks, knows what kind of guy can. The fact is, if shit is about to go down, she's gonna be fighting right next you.
RESPECT THE OLD LADY.
Theo says: If you see a biker chick hanging out with a group of bikers and associated with them, stay away. You'll know right away if a biker chick is free; if she's with someone, she's right by his side. Getting with somebody's old lady is a big no-no. That's more serious than anything in that world.
BE A FREE BIRD.
Theo says: Biker chicks aren't impressed with money or power. They're impressed with the desire to ride and they're ready to go on a whim—anytime, anywhere, just living carefree.
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