You can't make an action movie without the heroic star delivering snappy one-liners at the expense of some freshly killed
person meat. It's law, written in blood or bullets or something. But what happens when you have several big name action stars sharing the screen, as in Sylvester Stallone's new mercenary shoot 'em up, The Expendables? (In case you live in a cave with no Internet and haven't seen, it also stars Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Terry Crews, and even Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis, who make brief cameos.) Well, then clearly everybody has to shoot off at the mouth to see who can be more sarcastic. Complex attended a recent screening of The Expendables and wrote down the funniest one-liners to see who came out on top. Check them out, then vote to determine which action star's mouth has the most firepower!
One-liner set-up: While fighting Stallone, Steve Austin asks, "How many men you got?"
One-liner: "Just your mother!"
One-liner set-up: While fighting Stallone, bald Steve Austin asks, "Who sent you?"
One-liner: "Your hairdresser!"
One-liner set-up: Repeatedly shoots a guy who was being interrogated.
One-liner: "Now I can see inside of him... and I see lies."
One-liner set-up: Beats up a basketball team and punctures their ball.
One-liner: "Next time I'll deflate all your balls, friend!"
One-liner set-up: In a brief cameo as Stallone's old mercenary rival, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger passes on a contract Bruce Willis wants to give one of them. Willis asks, "What's his fuckin' problem?"
One-liner: "He wants to be president."
One-liner set-up: Stomps on a guy's face, leaving a boot print.
One-liner set-up: Tries to convince a General that he should eliminate his rebel daughter. The General tells him, "You don't kill your familia!"
One-liner: "Come around my house during the holidays, pal."
One-liner set-up: Runs a guy through with a sword right as Stallone shoots him.
One-liner: "Call it a tie."
One-liner set-up: Uses his prized—and absurdly massive—gun to kill innumerable enemy soldiers.
One-liner: [Pointing to his weapon] "Remember this shit at Christmas!"
One-liner set-up: Statham says something in Spanish, which befuddles Stallone. Statham explains, "That's Spanish."
One-liner: "Spanish? Who are you, Zorro?"