Shots Fired: Steve Jobs' Not So-Sneaky Diss Moments

Image via Complex Original

“Folks who want porn can buy an Android phone.” 

Date: April 20, 2010
Where: Email exchange with Apple customer Matthew Browing 
Target: Google's Android

What He's Really Saying: "If you want straight-up porn, cop an Android phone. We're better than that. Although, if you want tastefully curated content that just so happens to be of an adult, risque nature, we got you. Peep game.

"Perhaps Adobe should focus more on creating great HTML5 tools for the future, and less on criticizing Apple for leaving the past behind."

Date: April 29, 2010
Where: An open letter from Steve Jobs
Target: Adobe

What He's Really Saying: "Hey Adobe, stop with your crying. Don't think I forgot how you tried to fuck me back in the day. Nah, son, I ain't forget shit! I'm just giving you a taste of your own. Figure it out." [Ed.--And you know what? They did.]

"This 'don’t be evil' mantra: It’s bullshit."

Date: January 30, 2010
Where: MacWorld Conference 2010
Target: Google

What He's Really saying: "Google, you think you're slick, don't you? You're tryna come in and eat off my plate by making cell phones now?! After I gave y'all top billing in the iPhone, this is how you repay me? What happened to all that 'Don't be evil' stuff? FOH!" [Ed.—Fast forward a few months, the iPhone 4 now comes with Bing.]

“It doesn’t matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don’t read anymore.”

Date: January 15, 2008
Where: Macworld Expo 2008
Target: Amazon Kindle

What He's Really Saying: "Let's be serious, kids (and most of you adults) have serious cases of ADHD. They want a device that does more than replicate the experience of the books they no longer read. If your e-reader isn't in color, doesn't surf the web, and doesn't play movies, you might want to get out of our way."

“Why would I ever want to run Disney? Wouldn't it make more sense just to sell them Pixar and retire?”

Date: February 23, 2004
Where: Fortune Magazine
Target: Disney

What He's Really Saying: "I got plenty mon-ay. I got plenty mon-ayyy. I just saw the dev model of the iPad, and I'm good. Trust. Besides, why would I want to run Disney when all of its best movies come from myteam? You can have your Lion Kings and Lilo & Stichs, Disney stockholders got nothing to worry about." [Ed.—Two years later, lo and behold, Disney buys Pixar for $7.4 billion and Jobs joins the Disney board.]

"The PC has taken us a long way...we like to talk about post-PC era but when it really starts to happen, it's uncomfortable for a lot of people."

Date: June 1, 2010
Where: D8 2010 Conference
Target: Microsoft and PC makers

What he's saying: "Look, just go with me on this. PCs are on the way out. Have I ever steered you wrong? Who made the first laptop? Me. Who made the first all-in-one computer? Me. Who popularized MP3 players? Me. I think got a handle on what's coming next. Go outside kiddos! Enough with the desktops and PCs. If you hate on the iPad you are going to get left behind with film cameras."

"Ask TiVo, ask ReplayTV, ask Roku, ask Vudu, ask us... ask Google in a few months... The only way that's ever gonna change is if you can really go back to square one and tear up the set-top box and redesign it from scratch with a consistent UI across all of these different functions and get it to the consumer in a way they're willing to pay for it. And right now, there's no way to do that. 

Date: June 1, 2010
Where: D8 2010 Conference 
Target: TiVo, Roku, ReplayTV, Vudu, Google, and all other companies looking to cash in on web TV

What He's Really Saying: "If we haven't figured out the ideal way to combine the Internet and television with Apple TV, best believe no other company is going to get it right. Y'all better off falling back until we crack this nut and then you can shamelessly bite us."

BONUS: “For music lovers, I don't think it's a hurdle at all. There are sneakers that cost more than an iPod.”

Date: October 27, 2003
Where: Newsweek
Target: Complex readers?

What He's Really Saying: "Don't talk to me about the iPod being too expensive. There are kids out there who drop rent checks on sneakers with Apes on 'em." [Ed.—Wait—Steve, are you taking shots at people who spend $300 on sneakers? C'mon dude]]