It's been a tough seven days for untimely celebrity deaths, but we have to say we were the most surprised by the passing of informercial king Billy Mays (don't front, you knew something might happen to MJ sooner or later). Whether playing hooky on a rainy day or up too late and too blazed to change the channel, big BM soothed our boredom with his booming baritone and absolutely gratuitous gesticulations.
So in honor of the great pitchman, we rounded up his best of the best to present the Inaugural BIlly Mays Awards—watch his best commercials and buy some of the flimsy products he gave his generous time to shill below...
• Hercules Hook, $14.95
• With help from Billy, nothing could be better hung.
• BUY IT NOW! http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/hercules_hook.html
• iCan insurance.
• Let's see, 40 years at $160/month....
• BUY IT NOW! http://www.icanbenefit.com/
THE BEST NAME
• BLAST stains away! OBLITERATE THEM! KAPOW BLAOW TA-DAOW! HOUSEKEEPING WILL NEVER BE BORING AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!
BUY IT NOW! http://www.kaboomkaboom.com/products.shtml
THE MOST USEFUL
• Jupiter Jack
• Sounds like a phone-sex line for Buzz Lightyear fetishists, but could actually keep you from driving into a baby!
• BUY IT NOW! jupiterjack.com
THE MOST USELESS
• The Gopher
• Don't like using your hands? Tired of being young and vital? Opposable thumbs a waste of evolution? Let those stupid mitts atrophy and use a gripping tool instead!
• BUY IT NOW! http://www.asseenontvguys.com/
THE MOST POPULAR
• For more than 10 years, Mays hawked the detergent booster. We can't front, we use it to get our whites sparkling white. Stone Philips white, even!
• BUY IT NOW! http://greatcleaners.com/Products/OxiClean
THE MOST RIPPED OFF
• TIE: Zorbeez and Chop It
• Sure, the ShamWow and SlapChop helped rocket Vince to stardom, but both were a pale imitation of Mays classics. Go beat up a hooker, Vince.
• BUY IT NOW (Chop It has been discontinued)! Zorbeez: https://www.zorbeez.com/
THE BEST VALUE
• Steam Buddy
• $19.99 for an $80 value? HOLY CRAP, IT'S NOT JUST A HASTILY-ASSEMBLED FIRE HAZARD WAITING TO HAPPEN!
• BUY IT NOW! https://www.buysteambuddy.com/