We love Battlefield Bad Company 2. Love love love om nom nom it. Something about running around as a medic with those defib paddles or fixing up tanks as engineers—and still blowing people away—just makes us feel complete. It's like we're a boon to society, instead of just people suckling on the teat of broadband connectivity and developing carpal tunnel from various unproductive habits that may or may not include both repetitive button-mashing and self-pleasure. That being said, though, BFBC2 isn't perfect. How could it be? It involves people trying to outdo each other with the bonus of being able to do it under cover of anonymity. And that, our friends, is how a-holes are born.
As a follow-up to our strategy guide to the king of the a-hole games, we're offering you the rare chance to put down the tools of usefulness (repair tools, health packs, motion detectors, mortar strikes—anything that helps the team, really) and pick up the implements of wanton destruction and a-holery that other a-holes have already learned how to use. Now go out there and BE! AN ASSHOLE! B-E AN ASSHOLE! Sorry, we were cheerleaders in high school.
ASSAULT CLASS: C4 + UAV
• Okay, so enemies can shoot down a UAV, but for some reason you can't blow it up with C4. So why not throw a jihad's worth of explosives onto the drone and then send that in to take out an M-COM station? Fly back, restock, rinse, repeat. Someone stab the dude at the terminal already. Seriously, UAV placement on Rush maps is a campers' dream.
ENGINEER CLASS: SPAWN CAMPING + ROCKETS
• Taking a tank into the enemy's spawn to take out their vehicles is one thing. Sure, it's bitchmade, but at least they know you're coming and it's on them to stop you. But sneaking into their deployment area, then waiting until people pile into a helicopter to take out the bird for a triple kill + Destroy Vehicle? That makes us make a "shit's disgusting, B" face. Quick note to people spawning: STAB THESE MOTHERFUCKERS.
RECON CLASS: NS2000 + 12 GAUGE SLUGS + MAGNUM
• Headshots across the map with a shotgun. Sigh. We never in our lives thought we'd be able to say this, but here goes: That thing makes akimbo Model 1887s look like pea shooters. And to everyone says "but you have to be accurate with it!" IT'S A SHOTGUN. SHOTGUNS DON'T DESERVE MARKSMAN BONUSES. You're probably the same people who buy $150 high-tech running shoes to walk around the fucking mall. The right tool for the right job, that's all we're saying.
ASSAULT CLASS: 40MM LAUNCHER + GRENADE VEST (OR IMPROVED DEMOLITIONS)
• We get it, you can resupply yourself so that you never run out of ammo. (While we're at it, that whole medics-being-able-to-heal-themselves is kinda played, too. Plus, hey, Rambo-ass medics who just run around with the M60 and never heal anyone? Eat a bag of dicks, please.). But when you insist on using the grenade launcher at close range, then congratulations: you're an a-hole! What part of "One Man Army + Danger Close Is For Prepubescent 11-Year-Olds" did you not understand the first time?
RUSH + MASS SUICIDE = WIN?
• We're still not exactly sure what's going on here, but that shit looks glitchy as hell. At least it's still better then unlimited care packages or running from Harrier strikes every 15 fucking seconds.