Oscar is so bigoted that he hates himself for being gold.
This Sunday, at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, one of 10 films is gonna win the Oscar for Best Motion Picture of the Year. What you may not know is that ALL OF THE NOMINATED MOVIES ARE CRAZY RACIST! We know this, in part, because we're self-proclaimed experts; just check out our earth-shattering, life-altering exposé, The 50 Most Racist Movies (You Didn't Think Were Racist). Doubt us? Keep reading and Complex will explain why all the nominees are hate-filled, so you can then cast your vote for the Best (Most Racist) Motion Picture of the Year...
PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL "PUSH" BY SAPPHIRE
Why it's racist: An obese, illiterate black teen (Gabourey Sidibe) who's twice impregnated by her father and living off of welfare with her mom (Mo'Nique), who physically, mentally, and sexually abuses her? This shit is so simultaneously race-baiting and conservative and patronizingly liberal that we can't decide if "Sapphire" is a pen name for Rush Limbaugh or Rachel Maddow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AVATAR
Why it's racist: We'd tell you exactly how many Native American and African tribes James Cameron stole from to create the Na'vi culture so he could replace actual Native American and African actors with digitally-crafted giant blue cat aliens, but we slept through all our anthropology lectures in college. All we know is, J.C. was a hook-nosed haggling merchant away from pulling a George Lucas.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BLIND SIDE
Why it's racist: Another white woman (Sandra Bullock) saves another troubled black youth (Quinton Aaron) from poverty and crime by teaching him to use hisbrainbig black ass to pass block for white quarterbacks. How subtly racist of Sandra.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISTRICT 9
Why it's racist: Besides squatting and squeezing one out on Nigerians, who are depicted as ignorant, dishonorable criminals? It's only the most convincing pro-apartheid argument ever! Seriously, you don't want one of those filthy, cat food-addicted "aliens" around your daughter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN EDUCATION
Why it's racist: Sure, the pretty little white girl (Carey Mulligan) gets an education, but not the blacks or Latinos. Not even the Asians—and they got the highest math scores!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE HURT LOCKER
Why it's racist: Most Americans know as much about Iraqis as they did about the Vietnamese. Fortunately this film about an Army bomb squad was able to clarify things. You weren't aware that any Arab man on a cell phone is a terrorist collect calling his 72 virgins? Now you know.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A SERIOUS MAN
Why it's racist: Pushed around by everyone from his wife and son to his students and rabbis, Coen brothers protagonist Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg) is so nebbish and frail that Woody Allen cried foul.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
Why it's racist: A team of ruthless Jewish soldiers assembled to brutalize Nazis and desecrate their corpses, thus terrorizing the SS, may not sound horrible, but just once, could we see Jewish men portrayed as nebbish victims instead of the same old powerful, bloodthirsty sociopaths? Oy vey!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UP
Why it's racist: Pixar finally cast an Asian-American (then seven-year-old Jordan Nagai) in the role of an Asian lead character instead of a white boy! The catch? His character, Russell, a Wilderness Explorer, is obese, dense, and extremely fucking annoying. All Asians should be offended, though maybe not as much as Peter Sohn, the Asian-American Pixar animator who the character is based on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UP IN THE AIR
Why it's racist: While schooling a junior employee (Anna Kendrick) on how to negotiate security lines at the airport, frequent flying businessman (George Clooney) explains that you always want to get behind Asians, who pack efficiently, but never behind Middle Eastern-y types because they'll always get pulled aside for screening. Well, at least his reason wasn't that they smell like curry and B.O.
[poll id="513"]
RELATED: The 50 Most Racist Movies (You Didn't Think Were Racist)
.jpg)
MCMC March 5th, 2010 at 05:21 PM
avatar was a bullshit movie. come on, the hurt locker was tre' beast. never saw precious though.
JMN March 5th, 2010 at 09:28 PM
lol this was practically written by the Martin Lawrence character from Boomerang. "I'm tellin you, it's all RACIAL, man (makes hand gesture)... RACIAL!"
Nuuon March 7th, 2010 at 12:11 PM
"Precious" was written by a black woman named Sapphire who became rich and famous after writing a poem attacking a group of black youths who allegedly attacked and raped a white woman in NYC's Central Park. The boys "confessed" (during interrogations where their parents were not permitted to be present) and were convicted and sent to jail. THE PROBLEM? The boys were NOT guilty. DNA evidence and a confession by the real perpetrator proved them ALL innocent despite their forced confessions. They had to be freed from jail. It is quite obvious Sapphire joined a media lynch mob in order to gain mainstream white acceptance, fame and fortune. As anyone can see with "Precious," Sapphire is still exploiting black folks with her own style of self-hating patronizing crap. Sapphire is a phony and a parasite!
dia March 8th, 2010 at 04:51 AM
precious, the hurt locker , and The blind side dont stray too far from real life, in fact two are based off true events and the other is a harsh reality that many face. racist? hardly, sickeningly truthful, indeed. whats up with Complex trying to find racism in everything? based on these examples everything is racist, which everyone knows so you haven't proven anything
riff raff March 8th, 2010 at 10:16 AM
I thought the acting in Precious was great. I didn't like the story though. I felt it was vulgar and graphic for the sake of being vulgar and graphic. It reminded me of those ghetto novels you see in book stores.
AB March 8th, 2010 at 03:52 PM
The day I count on a Hollywood movie (including indie movies fetishized by Hollywood) to be NOT racist, is the day I suffer from severe amnesia or brain damage. In reply to those that don't agree: I am sick and tired of having to pretend that this shit isn't racist to avoid draining and lengthy anti-racism lessons that are rarely received well by the race insensitive/ oblivious/ too f------ privileged to even care/ people of colour that are too afraid to think about how the world they live in may really be that racist/ lefty assholes that think they already know it all populations.
sam! February 11th, 2011 at 09:18 PM
hurt locker was just good for those people who need to be comforted for killing so many iraqis ;p if you're going to bomb em in their own country their obv going to hit back...the portrayal of the iraqi populace and the 'brave' american soldiers is far from reality :D but come on..thats the whole point of the american media ;p deception and brain-washing bullshit!
wat September 13th, 2011 at 06:03 AM
are you kidding me, iraqi CIVILIANS are portrayed very well in the movie, especially the scene with the man who had the bomb forcefully strapped on his chest.