And The Eye said, "Lo, there will be no hack-and-slash foisted upon America's beer drinkers..."

When we heard last week that EA had coughed up $2.5 million for a 30-second Super Bowl spot to advertise Dante's Inferno (out Tuesday 2/9), we thought, "Good gravy, they're trying to eat God of War 3's lunch!" Which is weird, because we can't imagine that Kratos eats anything other than some sort of supergruel that development-company employees probably wouldn't enjoy, due to its overnotes of locusts and mead. But there you go—a giant Super Bowl ad for an ultraviolent game based on a 14th-century epic poem. And you thought having a black president was something you'd never live to see!

The thing is, CBS reportedly got cold feet when faced with the original cut, so they demanded some changes be made. And we don't truck with censorship, so when EA sent us the original ad, we said HELL YES WE'LL PUT THIS UP AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT BRING US CBS' CENSORS' HEADS ON A PLATTER RAWR. Click on and peep the original ad, so when the censored version comes on you can turn to your Real Doll buddies and tell them in painstaking detail what was suppressed by the jackbooted thugs of network TV. Viva la revolucíon!