From the "People Really Need To Start Coming Up With Their Own Ideas" Department, Fox is developing a sitcom based on the blog Texts From Last Night. And it's possible, we guess, that there have been worse ideas for sitcoms at some point in history (Homeboys In Outer Space comes to mind), but this is definitely in the running. It's a fucking website, people--but as long as networks are shelling out money for gimmicky one-concept blogs, then there are a few that might make for better shows. In fact, we've taken the liberty of putting the pitches together to save everyone some time. Let's get ready to commit creative atrocities!
PEOPLE OF WAL-MART
Pitch: A group of people who shop at Wal-Mart ironically while on road trips take their detached snobbery to the next level by photographing people who shop at Wal-Mart because the retail behemoth shut down every other affordable option in town. Sample dialogue: "Lookit that guy who got diabetes because fatty foods are cheap and plentiful! Hey buddy, crippling poverty called; IT WANTS ITS MULLET BACK! *high fives*"
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GARFIELD MINUS GARFIELD
Pitch: Jon Cryer walks around talking to the walls. Budget: one hidden camera. Cheapest show evar.
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SNACKS AND SHIT
Pitch: Hip-hop scholars, i.e., the two guys who start punching people in the face whenever "Jump Around" comes on at their frat parties--laugh and laugh and laugh about rappers who say the darnedest things. Special appearances by celebrity hip-hop purists Kendra Wilkinson and Kevin Federline.
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POST SECRET
Pitch: Anonymous people admit their deepest fears and most shameful confessions. Narrated by no one, since the only people self-absorbed enough to—wait, no, Tyra Banks just called. She'll do it.
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LAST NIGHT'S PARTY
Pitch: National Geographic correspondent Lisa Ling takes the L train into Williamsburg (or the F to the LES, depending) and walks around with a cameraman filming people who are really really really fucking extra. That's it. Guaranteed ratings gold, people.
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KANYE UNIVERSECITY
Pitch: Like Charlie's Angels, except Charlie is really Kanye West sitting around on uncomfortable furniture that his friends told him about, and the Angels are bony French models who can only say "where are you, Yeezy?"
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STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
Pitch: Hosted by Ryan Seacrest and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, it's a lighthearted exposé about what grafted devils like to do when they're in their native habitat. It's hilarious because it's true! ONLY white people eat organic food! ONLY white people ride bikes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DO YOU GET IT WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO LAME THERE ARE YOU HAPPY IS THAT SELF-DEPRECATING ENOUGH GET AWAY FROM ME MUD PEOPLE!
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CUTE OVERLOAD
Pitch: Widdle kitties and widdle puppy dogs fall asweep in the cwaziest pwaces, set to the strains of '80s pop tunes so that chubby housewives can relive their high-school days and distract themselves from their stultifying depression in one fell swoop.
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F MY LIFE
Pitch: A sitcom featuring affable twentysomethings trading i-swear-this-is-true stories of humiliating oneupsmanship. AKA "This Never Happened, But Could You Imagine If It Did? Wowzers!"
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HOT CHICKS WITH DOUCHEBAGS
Pitch: Wait a second, this already exists. Thank you, Viacom, for taking a joke about how desperate shitty networks are scraping the bottom of the barrel and making it reality.
