First Drew Carey replaced Bob Barker on The Price Is Right. Now Steve Harvey, who's one of the "Original Kings of Comedy" despite the fact that he's made us laugh maybe once in the past 15 years, is taking over as host of the game show Family Feud. (Give us something people are saying about this hire. Awesome? And the survey says...X!!!) Personally, we would have given the job to Tiger Woods, a guy who knows a little something about family conflict—and "poling" 100 strangers. Before networks screw up other game shows by recasting the hosts, Complex gives you the people who should actually be running game...
STUMP THE SCHWAB: JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT
• If anyone knows about stumping, it's the star of Frankenpenis, John Wayne Bobbitt's reanimated penis.
HOLLYWOOD SQUARES: JON HEDER
• X, O, and the rest of America get the square when this safe-for-work, safe-for-kids Mormon star yucks it up with golly-gosh booger jokes that make the Osmonds look like the Osbournes.
WIN, LOSE OR DRAW: GILBERT ARENAS
• Forget that low-stakes game Bert Convy, Robb Weller, and Vicki Lawrence ran. Agent Zero proposes a $500K side bet, and whether you win or lose, a handgun must be drawn. For hilarity's sake, of course.
1 VS. 100: PARIS HILTON
• She may not be able to handle trivia questions like Bob Saget, but she can certainly handle 100 strangers per taping.
WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?: LINDSAY LOHAN
• You don't even need to ask. It's always her line.
CASH EXPLOSION: CHARLIE SHEEN
• Prize-halving taxes should be the least of people's concerns when this notorious hooker hound puts money in their hand.
DOUBLE DARE: STEVE-O
• Marc Summers was good with kids, but this Jackass can push a dare until a scrotum is stapled to a forehead and provide his own gack.
THE PRICE IS RIGHT: ASHLEY DUPRE
• If you want to know the retail price of a 1989 motorboat, you ask Bob Barker. If you want to know the price of a sloppy joe with extra cheesy fries, you ask Drew Carey. But if you want to know the street price of a "Jamaican Accordion," you ask Eliot Spitzer's receipt piece.
THE WEAKEST LINK: SHAY (N*E*R*D)
• Hey, it's not like anyone's gonna be devastated if Pharrell and Chad's
low-key bandmateweed carrier takes some personal time to host a game show.
SUPERMARKET SWEEP: LUKE WILSON
• It appears that the new and
improvedenlarged Wilson brother is familiar with grocery stores (in fairness to those Verizon minutes, Luke's mass had already seriously weakened that floor). We can't think of a more perfect choice—assuming producers can keep him from devouring the set.