By now we all know about Bernie Madoff's corporate gangsta, with the $50 billion ponzi scheme he pulled on thousands of investors. But who woulda thunk the billionaire conman was down to get gully in the yard?
According to reports, 71-year-old Madoff floored a fellow inmate after getting into it about the state of the stock market! Sure, it's not an Aryan Brotherhood blood vendetta or enlisting the other guy into sexual servitude, but it sounds fucking jailish to us. It's tough enough for the average Joe to survive prison without ended up in a scene straight out of American History X, but it's a given that anyone with celebrity is gonna have to knuckle up from time to time; after all, "famous and scraped" > "anally raped." So in a nod to Badass Bernie and his combative compatriots, here's a brief history of other celebrity prison fights...
JEFFREY DAHMER
• When: November 28, 1994
• Where: Columbia Correctional in Portage, Wisconsin
• Result: Dahmer was ethered by another murder inmate after being beaten over the head with a bar weight in the gym. And by "ethered," we mean "killed." Damn, guess Wisconsin has the death penalty after all!
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ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.
• When: February 13, 1998
• Where: Los Angeles County Jail
• Result: While serving time for a parole violation, Downey got into a scrap with a fellow inmate, receiving cuts to the nose. We're guessing that back then Downey would have landed the TKO if you put an eight ball between the two of them.
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GUCCI MANE
• When: September 20, 2005
• Where: Fulton County Jail in Atlanta, Georgia
• Result: According to Gucci's lawyer, the iced-out Bart wearer was hit five or six times in the face, leaving him with bruises and cuts. And certain individuals affiliated with certain rappers whose name may or may not rhyme with "Mung Breezy" had absolutely nothing to do with it. Allegedly.
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FOXY BROWN
• When: October 16, 2007
• Where: Rikers Island
• Result: Based on reports, it was a minor scuffle resulting in no injuries. Typical cat fight. Damn, Fox Boog, we thought BK went hard. Ya heard? Oh...ya didn't. Sorry about that.
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ALLEN STANFORD
• When: September 24, 2009
• Where: Joe Corley Detention Facility in Conroe, Texas
• Result: After a brawl last month, the financier—yes, another Ponzi perpetrator—suffered a concussion and had to be hospitalized. His investing victims can find some solace in knowing this asshole's head was bashed in a bit. Not that it gets their life savings back, but it's a start.
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BERNIE MADOFF
• When: October 12, 2009
• Where: Federal Correctional Complex in Butner, North Carolina
• Result: Despite early reports of Madoff landing a punch to his fellow inmate's face, it was only a shove to the ground with a "menacing stare" afterward. He DOES talk tough and he DOES do TOUGH THINGS. (Wall) Streets is watching, bitches.
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