Attention, Che Guevara-image-festooned hipsters: you have a new kitschy enemy of the state to rock on an overpriced T-shirt. Yes, the grandaddy of doddering despots, Fidel Castro, was finally back in the news today after members of the Black Congressional Caucus met with him in Havana, and he's a far cry from Senor Fuck The USA.
He's eager to help Obama, and we're eager for him to open up his borders so we can enjoy his country's greatest export: the women. While we wait for trade relations to normalize so we can commence carnal relations, we're happy to tide you over with this week's geography lesson. Check Cuba's 9 hottest women below.
9. AYLÃN MÚJICA
Claim to Fame: Acting in the telenovela Sin Senos no hay Paraiso. Which translates to "No, You Can't Put It There."
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8. ODETTE YUSTMAN
Claim to Fame: The hottest damsel in distress in Cloverfield. Or maybe she just seemed hot next to that enormous fanged monster...JJ Abram's ego! ZING! Sigh.
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7. CUBANA LUST
Claim to Fame: Dshfjkshd njklv dhsilfhweo. Sorry, were you saying something?
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6. DAISY FUENTES
Claim to Fame: Making it okay to sit inside watching TV during Spring Break. Her love for bikinis hastened our own love of alone time.
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5. NATALIE MARTINEZ
Claim to Fame: She may have been in some movies, but really she found her lane rolling with us.
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4. VIDA GUERRA
Claim to Fame: Don't be a dumb ass. She's got dumb ass. See what we did there?
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3. JAMILETTE GAXIOLA
Claim to Fame: Being Miss Cuba 2009. Which is kinda like being named Official Celebrity Spokesmodel for Dress Barn. That's a real place, right? Dress Barn? We drove by one this one time, but we were too busy being HARDASS NEW YAWKERS.
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2. ROSARIO DAWSON
Claim to Fame: As of this moment, being the hottest thing to wear feathers since Oscar De La Hoya.
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1. MAYRA VERONICA
Claim to Fame: You know what? We honestly don't fucking care. It's this. Okay? IT'S THIS.
