If you follow beauty pageants as closely as we do—which is not at all unless you're waiting for a disgraced contestant to pop up in a lesbian sex tape—then you were a bit surprised to hear about all the hubbub surrounding Carrie Prejean, California's entrant in the Miss USA pageant. First there was the gay-marriage double flap, then the fake twos that were paid for by the pageant organization, now then the topless shots (relatively SFW—especially if you work here, where NSFW only applies to fireworks and ketamine).

The thing is, we're unmoved. You know why? Because California has such a surfeit of crazy hot (and in some cases, crazy and hot) that things like this are just a distraction from the real thing. So click on for the left side's best sides...

mcphee1
#9. Katharine McPhee
Claim to Fame: American Idol runner-up and owner of a deceptively prominent onion. Dip dip dy, you're makin' us cry, word to Plug Three (and we would if we could!).


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jeri
#8. Jeri Lee
Claim to Fame: Import model, go-go dancer, and all-around evidence that if you need one truth to fall back on in this world, it's "Filipina girls from Orange County FTW."


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grey
#7. Sasha Grey
Claim to Fame: Crossing from porn fare like Cum Buckets! 8 to Roots videos and Steven Soderbergh movies. So, really, a lot like George Clooney.

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good
#6. Meagan Good
Claim to Fame: Looking better in a Hooters outfit than 98% of Hooters girls. Wait, no, also something about music videos. And getting screamed on by Big Perm--we mean Big Worm.

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angelina
#5. Eva Angelina
Claim to Fame: Looking so good having sex with her glasses on that we've taken to skulking around ophthalmologists' offices hoping she'll show up.


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jolie
#4. Angelina Jolie
Claim to Fame: Saving the world, one future Benetton model at a time.

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kimk
#3. Kim Kardashian
Claim to Fame: What, judon't know? It's US, bitches!

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alba
#2. Jessica Alba
Claim to Fame: Putting the "mmmmm" in "MILF." And if she was an alien, she'd put the "aaaaaah" in "ALF."

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london
#1. Lauren London
Claim to Fame: You haven't seen ATL? Entourage? Homegirl is b-a-double-d bad. If she was a corny '90s group, she'd be Color Me Badd. If she was a sport disproportionately enjoyed in Asian countries, she'd be badminton. If she was in the A-Team, she'd be Bad Ass Baracus. And if she was a writing flaw, she'd be Bad At Finishing Worldwide Wednesdays.