FLORIDA: Eva Mendes (Miami, FL)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This first-generation knock-out was raised by her Cuban parents who struggled to help propel Eva to stardom. Complex says: how charmingly American!
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HAWAII: Jarah Mariano (Kauai, HI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: If it weren't for the colonizing paws of America, we easily could have lost former Complex cover girl Jarah to a country like Korea, or even China! Phew!
IDAHO: Torrie Wilson (Boise, ID)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This Wrestlemania star boasts her signature move "the stinkface," which is when she rubs her ass in the face of an opponent. You couldn't find this shit in any other country.
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ILLINOIS: Jenny McCarthy (Chicago, IL)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Jenny is quite possibly the only sex symbol who is known as much for her twos as she is for her toilet humor. Jim Carrey gets to Hawaiian muscle-fuck that.
INDIANA: Vivica A. Fox (South Bend, IN)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This cougar not only popularized the dental dam, she starred in Independence Day for Christ's sake. Salute!
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KENTUCKY: Tara Conner (Russell Springs, KY)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Miss Kentucky USA 2006 became the subject of controversy when she was caught drinking underage in NYC bars, using cocaine, and kissing Miss Teen USA Katie Blair. Sounds like a solid Friday night to us.
LOUISIANA: Britney Spears (Kentwood, LA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: It's the classic American tale of a good, wholesome, Christian girl who is corrupted by the spotlight and falls into an ever-deepening spiral of drugs, sex, and crazy behavior. We like 'em crazy in the U.S. of A.
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MISSOURI: Jenna Fischer (St. Louis, MO)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: We don't really believe in office romance, but this fair-skinned secretary from The Office could get us to rethink our don't-shit-where-you-eat policy.
MONTANA: Tera Patrick (Great Falls, MT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Hard work is the key to success in America—just ask this fuck-doll who catapulted herself to success using KY, double-sided dildos, and a little extra elbow grease.
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NEBRASKA: Gabrielle Union (Omaha, NE)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Fuck a confederate flag, we're riding with the Union.
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NEW HAMPSHIRE: Mandy Moore (Nashua, NH)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Her name is almost synonymous with virginity and Christianity... it's sickening.
NEW JERSEY: Christina Milian (Jersey City, NJ)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Finally, Jersey gets represented in Worldwide Wednesday.
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NEW YORK: Jennifer Lopez (The Bronx, NY)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: It's Jenny from the block and she ain't talking Eastern Europe.
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OHIO: Halle Berry (Cleveland, OH)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Let's be real: Swordfish topless scene, strip scene from Monster's Ball, and Hurricane Chris.
OKLAHOMA: Olivia Munn (Oklahoma City, OK)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Olivia understands what it takes to be an American sex symbol. She plays video games, or at least pretends to, and has a great set of twos.
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OREGON: Holly Madison (Astoria, OR)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: What's more patriotic than supporting Viagra sales?
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SOUTH DAKOTA: January Jones (Sioux Falls, SD)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Some girly boy-band once had a song about girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch—we finally understand why. This Abercrombie model looks great in nothing but a tiny jean skirt.
TENNESSEE: Megan Fox (Oak Ridge, TN)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED:Simply... the... hottest... girl... ever.
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TEXAS: Beyoncé Knowles (Houston, TX)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's a talented woman with an ear for good music and an even better voice. We respect a woman who can do her own thing even when she doesn't have to.
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VERMONT: JoJo (Brattleboro, VT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: In America, the age of consent is 18 years old. Happy birthday JoJo!
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WISCONSIN: Heather Graham (Milwaukee, WI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Rumor has it Heather Graham can cook a bratwurst in her cleavage in under five minutes.