Playboy, Playboy, Playboy... the once go-to magazine for awesome nude pics of previously bashful female celebs has been putting up more bricks than Koch/E1 lately. What's the point of having a hot girl on the cover if we can't see all the goods? We can get PG-13 pics in US Weekly, Hugh. Stop fucking playing games!
When we first heard the news that The Hills star Heidi Montag was doing the September 2009 cover, we were hoping we'd get to see Spencer Pratt's wifey like we never saw her before. Then we actually peeped the pictorial. WTF? All you get is Heidi rolling around in the sand like a washed up, surgically enhanced dolphin. Heidi's fail isn't the first miss (and probably won't be the last) in Playboy's history, though—check out our picks for the 10 lamest Playboy covers after the jump...
#10: HOPE DWORACZYK AND SETH ROGEN, APRIL 2009
PLAYBOY FAIL: Why the hell would we want to see Seth Rogen on a Playboy cover? Move dude! Get out the way!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#9: ANNA FARIS, SEPTEMBER 2008
PLAYBOY FAIL: She played a Playboy bunny in the movie The House Bunny, which was filmed at the Playboy Mansion...and she still didn't go nude? Fuck outta here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#8: CAROL ALT, DECEMBER 2008
PLAYBOY FAIL: No one wants to see a 47-year-old woman with a belly ring. Carol reminds us of our friend's sketchy mom who used to buy us 40s when we were 17.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#7: LISA GUERRERO, JANUARY 2006
PLAYBOY FAIL: Really? Fully-clothed? We'd jack off to a Victoria's Secret catalog before this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#6: AMANDA BEARD, JULY 2007
PLAYBOY FAIL: We thought Playboy was going in a totally different direction when we saw Amanda Beard on the cover. Less sexy, more tranny. Not that there's anything...uh. Yeah.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#5: PARIS HILTON, MARCH 2005
PLAYBOY FAIL: This was lame because everyone saw Paris nude in that Sundance winner, One Night In Paris.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#4: JESSICA ALBA, MARCH 2008
PLAYBOY FAIL: She threatened to sue Playboy and wanted a monetary settlement because she technically didn't consent to be on the cover. We get sexier pics of Jessica on drunkenstepfather.com, and that's for free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#3: MARIAH CAREY, MARCH 2007
PLAYBOY FAIL: No nude pics? Fail. We want to see whatever Eminem got to see.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#2: OLIVIA MUNN, JULY 2009
PLAYBOY FAIL: We love Olivia, but Playboy ripped our February/March 2008 cover and still didn't produce the goods. Here's a hint: Only steal a cover if you can trump it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#1: HEIDI MONTAG, SEPTEMBER 2009
PLAYBOY FAIL: A self-proclaimed modern day Mother Teresa and Jesus's number 1 fan, Mrs. Pratt paid to enlarge her twos yet still refused to unleash them for Playboy. In her spread, she gets down and dirty in a bikini, and by "dirty" we mean she rolls around in sand with her bathing suit on. Wow. Real arousing.
