Our president-to-be has suggested that MLK Day become a holiday for service, and we here at Complex wholeheartedly endorse the idea. No more watching the Knicks lose and huffing paint during the afternoon, it's time to leave the crib and do something worthwhile for a change. We've got five suggestions, but feel free to embark on your own freelance charitable missions. Let's get it people!
SERVE AS YUNG BERG'S BODYGUARD
• This will take some pretty extraordinary bravery 'cause the Yungster's 100 pounds and rocks $50,000 worth of jewelry (or so his fleet-footed former manager says). But think of the benefits for humanity...OK there are no benefits for humanity, but this kid could use some backup.
SHOOT CANADIAN GEESE
• They look sweet like Yung Berg but in reality these winged bastards are twice as mean and weigh nearly as much. Kill 'em 'cause they shit everywhere, kill 'em 'cause they bite, kill 'em 'cause they take out more planes than shoulder-propelled rocket launchers, just kill 'em.
CLEAN OUT DICK CHENEY'S DUNGEON
• Two words: rubber gloves. And leave your Bill of Rights at home.
DRIVE CHARLES BARKLEY AROUND
• It's 1:30 in the morning and Sir Charles wants to roll around the corner to get head from a female friend. Why on earth does this great man have to drive himself there?
TAKE THE LEAD IN THE AMY WINEHOUSE INTERVENTION
• This actually takes bigger cojones than protecting Yung Berg, but somebody should do it. Get yourself a leather jacket (for when she jumps at you with a razor blade) and practice this phrase: "Amy, I don't love you, but for humanity's sake, please get some help. The other crack addicts are worried you're going to smoke up their supply and we can't have that..."