Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta opened with a prayer, some chicken wings that looked like they were fried in bronzer, and unsettled beef. I think Scrappy’s side-eye at Momma Dee’s lengthy and rather ridiculous prayer sizes up my feelings on this dinner quite nicely. Scrappy hasn’t said a whole lot this season, but I appreciate him shooting his mom a look that loosely translated to, “Momma Dee. Jesus ain’t trying to hear all that bullshit, ya feel me?”
After the prayer came the convo—leading with Ernest’s mama, Bernice, explaining to Momma Dee that she remains somewhat upset that Momma Dee put her son in jail. To her credit, Momma Dee continues to maintain “Yeah, I ain’t shit for that” but won’t necessarily linger in that sentiment for too long. She’s very, “You know, I put him in jail because he was treating me bad, but we off that. Why aren’t you?”
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Bernice looked like she was crying, but since there were no visible tears, I wonder if it was emotion or just too much Slap Ya Mama seasoning. Whatever the case, Momma Dee’s daughter, Jasmine, then spoke on her beef with Ernest—basically, she can’t stand him—resulting in Scrappy having to hold Momma Dee back before she went oops, upside her daughter’s head and her plate. Later, Momma Dee stressed to Ernest that he needed to prove to her “crumb-snatching kids” that he loves her. I wouldn’t be surprised if this relationship ends with multiple folks being hit over the head with a Crown Royal bag filled with nickels and neck bones.
In related family news, Stevie J was released from rehab only to head to New York to deal with his child support issues. Now, as much as I love the Puerto Rican Princess and respect her right to continue working out her daddy issues by way of sex with Stevie J, question (read in Beyoncé’s voice, please): If your husband is facing prison time over charges of unpaid child support and just got out of rehab, what makes you so antsy to procreate with him right now? Then again, she’s not getting any younger and I’m pretty sure those two would create a gorgeous kid. But let me say this about Stevie J: Thus far he has shown himself to be truly evolving.
If your husband is facing prison time over charges of unpaid child support and just got out of rehab, what makes you so antsy to procreate with him right now?
Kaleena, who joined Joseline on the set of her wedding-themed magazine shoot (they’re running this six-feet-deep into the ground at this point), wanted to get Stevie to tell her husband, Tony, not to do business with the dude Stevie once opened a business with. You know that place he opened with Benzino a season or so ago. Yeah, I don’t remember it either. Point is, Stevie J has become the voice of reason.
And if you saw him last week on Love & Hip Hop Live: The Wedding (that ends in denial of conjugal visits, but I digress), you see that Stevie might be able to add another revenue stream to his arsenal by way of TV hosting. I’d still like for Stevie J to reunite with Mariah Carey in the studio, but you know, get your money, Steebie.
Besides, it could be worse for Joseline: She could be Rasheeda. Look, I’m increasingly fed up with her and Kirk’s storyline. Yes, they’ve added disrespectful Ashley Nicole into the mix, but second verse, same as the first. It’s like the universe is yelling, “GET A DIVORCE, WOMAN,” into Rasheeda’s ear with a megaphone, yet she continues to be Helen Keller to the shit.
As for Rasheeda describing Ashley Nicole as a “no buzz having bitch,” uh it wasn’t that long ago she was being told, “My name is Rasheeda/I rap like Shawty Lo.” I’ll leave it at that.
OK, let’s discuss Premadonna’s waist trainer fashion show, which served as the build-up to the main event: Mimi meeting Nikko’s wife, Margeaux. Messy ass Dawn, Joseline’s former booker turned whatever she does now, invited both knowing good and well their paths would cross. But before we reflect on that, let me reiterate that there was a fashion show for fucking waist trainers.
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No disrespect to Premadonna’s business model. Like, if you want to wear organ-crushing corsets to look more like Jessica Rabbit on her honeymoon with Roger Rabbit, do you. I just hope you have a connect on an organ donor when the time comes. Nonetheless, do waist trainers require a fashion show? The answer is no. Don’t even bother trying to come up with an excuse. The answer is no.
Why in the hell do you need to model a fucking waist trainer? As soon as I realized what was happening on my TV screen, I said a silent prayer for the city of Atlanta. Dime Piece was the star of said confusing show, for the record. Everything about her thus far screams, “I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.” I’m not as happy thus far.
When it came to Mimi and Margeaux’s meeting, it was rather anticlimactic as it served mostly as a big tease for next week’s episode. We did get a preview of the shade to come by way of Mimi saying in the confessional, “She’s cuter than I thought she’d be…in a funny looking way.” Oh, Mimi. Just when you think your level of petty couldn’t get any higher, you up and show off.
Oh, we saw Erica Dixon for two seconds and then Ariane casually mentioned that her girlfriend moved to Atlanta. Are these two not really a fixture of this show anymore? If so, is that because of the new folks like Premadonna and her gang of corsets and Dime Piece, the woman who won’t stop using Joseline’s old stripper name? I sure hope not because thus far, neither are that compelling. Until next time.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
